worse games
by kaddyxxx
Summary: "i really am sorry, i know you have spent the past years trying to forget" Iris Mellark is the daughter of two victors, she may be young - but she has always been curious. When an unexpected visitor from the past shows up. Her parents know that they will have to face the thing they have been trying so hard to run from - the past. and now their children, will have to face it too...
1. Proulogue

_**Hey guys :) this is my first fanfiction story so sorry if it's not amazing :p it's a story i am writing for an asignment at school but i'd thought i'd might as well put it up here:) hopes you's like it and please review xx **_

My Name is Katniss Everdeen i live in district twelve i live in the victors village with Peeta Mellark and my two children Iris and Hunter i live in the victors village because i survived the hunger games twice i also survived a war, i was the mockingjay, i am still the mockingjay. My sister died i that war, she was killed by a bomb, it might have been gales trap that killed her. I haven't seen gale since.

When i'm worried or confused i have to find a way to occupy myself i used to tie knots in a rope, i still do that, but when i'm _really_ anxious, like today, this is the only thing i can do to calm myself, it's like a game and the only way to win is to make sense of everything that has happened in my life, needless to say – i have never won. i can here hunter crying for me, it's all i can do to break away from my past and drag myself towards his voice when i eventually arrive in the doorway of his nursery i see peeta gently rocking him until his cry's have turned to soft wimpers, when he turns to find me standing in the doorway he gives me one of his shy smiles but says nothing...


	2. Chapter 1

**so here is the first proper chapter :) thoughts on this would be good :) **

Today like every other year goes by in a blur I re-live last night's nightmare over and over, I see prim, small and vunerable at just 12 years old, I hear her name being called as she is ushered up on stage by 3 peacekeepers I'm shouting and screaming, trying to push through the crowd "I volunteer" I scream the words over and over but no one hears , they call out peeta's name and he and my sister stand on stage I'm still screaming but no one will listen. my sister is moved from the stage by two peacekeepers to the justice building, the last thing I see is the back of her shirt sticking out like a little duck tail and then I am shaken awake by Peeta, tears are streaming down my face, hunter is crying across the hall in his nursery, I must have been screaming in my sleep, I get up to go and comfort hunter, but Peeta's pulls me back, "no, let me" he says and at that he gets up and walks into the hallway and across into hunter's nursery,

Hunter might only be 2 but I am sure he knows when I'm having a nightmare. I feel terrible, my boy can hardly speak or understand and yet he is already carrying burdens from his parents past. One day I will explain to him why I have these nightmare almost every night and why sometimes his daddy see things that aren't there, he will find out sooner or later anyway, in school, just as they use to teach us about the dark days they now teach of the hunger games and the war, he will learn then of his parents involvement and me and peeta already agreed long ago when our daughter Iris was even younger than hunter that we would explain to them before they learned of it in school – we would much rather they learned from us.

This is why Iris already understands things from out past – she doesn't yet know of the hunger games or the war, but she knows her parent childhood was not as comfortable and care-free as hers is. She knows that almost everyone – in district twelve at least – was poor and starving, she knows that when me and her daddy were younger we were very well known and this is why so many people know who we are and know her name before she has even had the chance to introduce herself, she knows that "bad people" ran the country back then and that they did "bad things" to "good people" she basically knows who peacekeepers were and what they did, though she learned that in school and I'm not totally sure how honest there teacher was with them – she is, in all respect – only four (nearly five as she keeps reminding us) and is only in pre-k she will not, we have been assured ,be taught of the true extend of the capitols cruelty and the full truth of the games and war until she is at least 12 - ironically the entering age for the reaping...

Just then the door creaks open and peeta appears with a hysterical hunter "he refused to sleep he just kept shouting, mama! Guess he was worried about you, thought if I brought him to you he would calm down" peeta's gaze turns to Hunter "you're gonna wake your sister up and she has school tomorrow, you know how hard she is to get up in the morning in the first place" he says jokingly half to himself half to hunter and passes hunter to me "I'm surprised you haven't already woke her up, you're so loud!" I say to hunter laughing at little, he gives me a little burble which I guess counts as a laugh, peeta was right, as soon as his little grey eyes find mine he stops dead silent, I start rocking him and he nods off almost instantly, I go put him back in his crib. I check the time - its 24.05 officially the day on which 10years ago, I volunteered to take my sister place in a game that changed not only mine, but the nation's life and world as they knew it, forever.

**hoped you liked :) i will pretty much put up a new chapter about every 2 day or so since i originally didnt write this in chapers the ends of the chapter and starts are a little shakey sorry :(:p the next chapter will be up soon 3 **


	3. Chapter 2

**BTW kinda forgot to mention it in the previous chapters but obviously all of the books and charactors are owned by Susanne collins 3 :p**

That is why on this day I play this game at least a dozen times saying the words over and over again in my head, mumbling parts as I go, "I am Katniss Everdeen... My sister was killed by a bomb... I haven't seen Gale since" depending on the day and how significant it once was to my past the game changes. I add new information that is most relevant to the day. "I am Katniss Everdeen... My sister was killed by a bomb... the same sister I volunteered to save 10years ago today" and so it goes on. I only stop to check the time on the clock, and try to remember where or what I was doing ten years ago at this time, I do this now, 15.15, right now I would have been saying my final goodbyes – most likely to Peeta's dad, he was the last person to visit me at the justice building – I think of him , how generous he always was to my father and me, his eyes... so like peeta's there was something gentle and caring in them which made you trust them, and then I think of his last words to me, the last thing I think I ever heard him say "I'll take care of the girl, make sure she's fed" prim, I remember how worried I'd been, it may sound strange but I didn't care that I had just volunteered my own death sentence, all I cared about was prim and how she would survive without me, everyone loved prim she was so like my father, so likable, so liked, I remember how scared of her starving I'd been, I knew she had gale, but he had a family to feed too, he would have already been putting less on the table with me gone, it was a lot to expect him to care for my family as well, but maybe without knowing it, right there in those last words, peeta's father gave me something that I had only felt once before – when peeta through me that bread - and thought, now was lost forever– hope. and now I think of what this war did to him, what _I_ did to him, all of this -all the things that happened and took the lives of innocent people – started when I pulled out those berries, it was then I became the mocking jay, when I shot into that force-field, I put those I loved most in danger, my mother, Peeta, Hazelle, Gale, Posy, Rory... they all could of died because of me... Prim died because of me. It's not until I hear hunter crying again, that I snap back to reality and realise how hard _I_ have been crying, I was about to get up from the front porch step of our house in the victors village, when I hear footsteps in the hall up stairs – they are so recognisable as peeta because of the sound of the prosthetic leg he was fitted with at the end of our first games - he will be going to get hunter so I settle down on the step ready to delve back into my past when I realise the time – 15.20, Iris will be on her way back from school, like I said she knows some-what of my past, even though we were incredible vague, unlike her brother who doesn't really understand, When Iris see's me crying she gets curious, starts asking questions as four-nearly five year olds do, I'm so unstable today who knows what I'd say if she starting questioning me, I want her to know the truth but I don't want to scare her, there's a fine line between the two.

I turn on my heel and head towards the bathroom to splash my face with cold water in an attempt to remove the red blotchiness from around my eyes about 5 minutes later with my eyes looking half-decent I head up stairs to find Peeta, I Find him I one of the spare room that he has kind of converted into a Painting Studio, it is positioned right at the front of the house and looks out onto the whole district, there is a large window and Peeta loves using it to paint scenes from 12, I look around the room my eyes wandering from Painting to Painting there's so many of them. Haymitch stumbling around in our Kitchen last Christmas – he fell over and knocked red wine all over the floor – in the corner of the painting a slightly younger Iris is giggling at her Uncle Haymitch as always when he does "funny" things. Funny, that is, when it's not you having to clean it up. Beside it is a painting of the district right from the window. I study it, it's so lifelike you could mistake it for the window it's self. I take in them all, a painting of greasy sae cleaning the house as she used to when I first came back to the district, several of me and the children, I look around searching for my favourite. It's at the very end of the room pride of place in shining gold frame. A painting of Iris and hunter playing in the meadows on the outside of the woods right by the fence, Iris dancing and giggling in the middle of the fields amongst the flowers, sunlight dancing across her face and Hunter slightly further away from his older sister looking closely through the fence, with the same concentration Peeta has when he paints, and the same expression I have when I'm in the woods, it makes me hopeful that my son will someday live up to his name, - Peeta won't let me take him to the wood right now, he's afraid something might happen, he's probably right , taking a hyper toddler into a woods full of danger is probably not the best idea, and since I've been reminded all too often in my past that my plans don't always work out , I wouldn't really like to take the chance– I'm in the painting too ,sitting next to Peeta in the soft Spring Grass watching two of the only good things that have ever happened to me, Peeta's eye's on Iris laughing with her. Mine staring intently at Hunter with that same look on my face that is on his.

I love it because it's so innocent, I makes me feel hopeful, like it could have been painted anywhere in the world, the green grass growing, flowers dotted around amongst it, two young children innocent and content, no idea of their parents past, two parents, looking lovingly at their children, as if for a moment they had forgot about the blood and the pain, about the lives lost, about the torture ,about the war, starvation, fear and all the scars – metal and physical that they bared, for a moment even if it was just that, they were transported forward in time to a place where children have a childhood, without the threat of peacekeepers or starvation, where they were not forced into battle, where everyone had enough money, where the every district was totally back on its feet and free from the capitol and all of their worries where all families lived forever in the moment of this painting - carefree and able to enjoy their children's lives as well as their own. Living there lives with innocence.

**thoughts on this chapter? 3**


	4. Chapter 3

**hey guys :D here's the third chapter hopes you's like it, please review if you can :) as always i only own the charactors that i have made up myself (that didnt appear anywhere in the triology) so without further a due chapter 3 :) **

I have been so engrossed in the painting I almost jump when I feel a hand tapping my right shoulder , I spin around to where Peeta stands , painting palette in his left hand that I made him out of wood for his last birthday, Hunter clinging to his right hip.

"Mama!" hunter looks at me with his grey eyes identical to mine he seems happy to see me somewhere other than the front step or my bed. He extends his arms towards me and says again "mama!"

Peeta hesitates "um...Hunter, I don't think"

"Mama!" he's getting frustrated now, his hands start to shake and he leans further from Peeta's hip to reach me, he tries to wriggle free from Peeta – I can tell he's on the verge of a toddler tantrum now

"hunter..." peeta starts again but it's my turn to interrupt him

"No, its okay give him here" I extend my arms towards him as Peeta loosens his grip transferring Hunters weight to my left hip. "Iris will be home soon and you know what she's like something to distract me will be good and what's more distracting than a wriggly 2year old who's always hungry or bored?" I say sarcastically Peeta gives me a silent laugh and goes back to his most recent painting, it's of our house, from front view, I am sitting on the step, with a flower in my hands identical flowers grow all along the front of the house – Evening Primrose – the flowers we planted for prim when we first arrived back in 12. It's amazing really what Peeta can do with a brush and some paints, it's a scene from this morning I think, though I think the flower is just added for effect – I would never un-root one of Prim's flowers, each one of them keeps her near to me, each is sacred, there are all I have left of my beautiful baby sister and I will protect them, like I protected her 10years ago and should of protected her _that_ day. I can't help admiring how _right _Peeta has mixed the colour it's a perfect bright, clear yellow, each flower has been painted almost as carefully as they were planted. Sunlight reflecting off them in just the right places. They look so real like I could reach my hand right into the painting and pick out a fistful of mini Primroses. I can't admire Peeta's latest masterpiece for long because, as I had anticipated "_bored_ mama bored!" hunter complains in a whiny voice, the one he always uses when he wants something

"Meadow!?" he asks hopefully

I smile .ever since the day of that painting, he loves the meadow, so does Iris, and Peeta and I spend many Sunday afternoons chasing the two of them around it. I never told my children it was used as a mass grave after the destruction of the district. I don't plan on telling them either. Why should they know? I don't like to think of it myself most of the time; I strongly believe that there are some things best left untold. If it was up to me, the children would have no knowledge of the Panem I knew as a child or of my experience in the games or the war. Peeta would probably agree. But we can't stop what they teach in school, we can't shield our children from every lesson about our past, even then, they would hear about it somewhere. No, it is much better that me and Peeta tell them everything gradually.

"Sorry honey, maybe another time, Iris isn't even back yet and..."

"_please_ mama" he drags out the word please as long as he can without losing breath.

"Well I guess, _maybe, _when your sister is home, we might, but not right now little guy"

"Okay!" he perks up happily "but - right now?"

It have always wondered how Parents learn to understand baby talk, but I guess you just know, I mean it's your child and you probably know them better than anyone else, so I guess you just get it, understand what they mean.

"well..." I start

"Why don't you use the crayons mama made you last week and make her a picture to make her feel better?" Peeta finishes for me.

"Okay daddy!" he wriggles free from my hip and begins to make a break for the stairs. I chase after him

"Hunter, stop, wait on _me_!" I call worrying he will try to make it down the stairs himself. I can hear Peeta laughing to himself back in his studio where he has went back to working on the House painting.

"Laugh _all_ you like, but if our son falls down those stairs god help you Mellark, you can take him to saphe!" Saphe was the new doctor who was sent out from the capitol shortly after people began to return home. She is good at what she does, if a little ... _serious _at times, she is much younger than me, 22... That's how old Prim would be if she were alive...

I sigh heavily, everything seems to come back to prim today... Peeta is still laughing, I realise while I had been in my daydream Hunter had made it to the top of the stairs. "Hunter, wait for mama!" I say running hastily towards the top stair where he stood, I could hear Peeta laughing at me still, but I didn't care much, I have enough to deal with today without a broken toddler on my hands. I swing him onto my hip and continue downwards. I take him to the kitchen and find the crayons on the window sill where they still lay since I left them there to dry last week. I pick them up with my spare hand and take Hunter and the crayons back up stairs to the studio, Peeta has progressed quite quickly in the 5minutes I had been away for, all of the Primroses are fully coloured and detailed, he has moved onto the sky. Mixing a cloudy blue with his palette. I put Hunter down in the corner of the room closest to the door, printings of hands, drawing of houses and splotches of brownish colour display this particular area of wall

Ever since Iris showed an interest in painting last Christmas Peeta dedicated this area of the room to the children's drawings and paintings that they make in school or in the house. Hunter isn't allowed to use paints right now – I still have trouble getting Iris's marks that she left on the living room carpet out. So usually we just let them use crayons and even then, I try to keep an eye on them. He takes the crayons from my hand and gets to work; he has that look on his face, the one from the meadow painting, concentrating hard, his pink tongue stick slighting from the corner of his mouth as he uses a bright yellow crayon to draw a wobbly sun in the top left corner of the paper. As he picks up a pale blue crayon and begins to fill in the sky, I hear the front door swing open. I head for the stairs again I am half way down when iris comes whizzing up the stairs narrowly missing a direct hit with me.

"Whoa honey watch where you're going!" I say laughing

"Oh! Sorry mama! I drew a new picture in art class today and I want to put it up on the wall!" Iris says enthusiastically

I laugh again, Iris loves art class – aside from music – it's her favourite subject. I met her art teacher at the start of term. He is from the capitol I believe, but he's nice enough. He has brown eyes and short dark hair, unlike most of the capitol population; he has no tattoos or make-up covering his face. He reminds me of Cinna, the way he is so caring and will listen instead of just rambling on about his own life. He is quite young – looks in his early twenties and from what I hear is very fond of Iris, all the kids like him and he often puts a picture on the Blackboard or shows the children a picture or statue that they have to copy. I wonder what they drew this time.

"Can I see your picture Iris?" I ask sounding a little too eager.

"okay mama!" she reaches into her light green school bag that matches the colour of the grass in the meadow and pulls out a piece of A4 paper , I see that the paper I filled with yellows and gold's, he must have got them to draw a sunshine or a star I think

But that's not what Iris has drawn – I recognise it instantly. It may have been drawn by the shaky hand of a 4year old Pre-K child, but it's clear to me. I would recognise _that_ anywhere. Looking at the piece of paper iris is showing me. My past flashes before my eyes. I wonder why and where the teacher possible got it, but without knowing it. My 4year old child has drawn a symbol I first found ten years ago that would come to mean so many things, for this drawing is unmistakably a drawing of a mocking jay, _my_ mocking jay.


	5. Chapter 4

**hey Guys, hope yous enjoy this chapter and please please please review, would really like to know what you guys think :) and it seriously help me know if i'm doing something right/wrong :) anyway, as always i only own characters that did not appear in the triology. **

"mama are you okay?" Iris asks a little worried, for about the 5th time today I have been drawn from thoughts of my past when my eyes meet the painting for the second time I gasp, I gesture for Iris to hand me the painting and she reluctantly hands it over

"Mama? What is it?" Iris asks slightly annoyed that I haven't answered her yet

"oh it's nothing sweetie, I just think this is _so_ good that I should go show it to daddy before we put it up on the wall" I tell her.

"Oh, okay mama!" she says happy with the praise.

I grab my daughter's hand clutching her drawing with my other and walk towards the doorway of the Studio

"Daddy! mama wants to show you my drawing come see!" Iris shouts across the room to her father.

"okay, I'm coming sweetheart, just let daddy finish _one_ more bit... there" Peeta puts down his palette, satisfied with his painting and walks towards iris, when he reaches her he crouches down so he is at her level "now what is it you wanted me to see?" he smiles at Iris warmly

When Peeta looks at his children and you know that they mean _everything_ to him even when they're getting in trouble, I'm almost certain it hurts him more than it does them, almost as if he's punishing himself by punishing them, so it's usually me who ends up playing bad cop and Peeta who lets them off with anything, all iris has to do is look at him a certain way – and he melts for her.

Iris giggles and gestures to the picture in my hand

"Iris why don't you go and keep an eye on hunter he's playing with the new crayons and..." I don't finish the sentence because Iris has already darted off to draw with her brother

"come with me a second" I whisper in Peeta's ear so softly I question if he himself heard me.

"but the kids... no one's watching them..." asked Peeta wondering about my 'must be supervised when drawing' rule

"they'll be fine Peeta,_ this_ is more important than crayon on the walls" I'm still whispering ,I gesture to Iris's picture and pull Peeta by his wrist into another spare room across the hall from the studio.

"but what..." Peeta looks up at the paper; he recognises it almost as quickly as I did.

"the mocking jay" says Peeta, in a soft whisper and I nod my head

"_your_ mocking jay?" he asks and I nod again

"but where..._how... why?"_

"I don't know, they were everywhere during the war so it wouldn't have been hard to find a picture of one but _why_, Idon't know" I say, still trying to understand this myself_._

"do you think..."

"they told the class what it symbolises? I don't think so, though there's only one way to find out..." I answer him before he even has the chance to finish

"Iris!" we shout simultaneously

She slips into the hallway, confused as to our whereabouts for a second. When she spots us in the room across from the studio, she skips in and stand across from us with her hands together behind her back.

"yes" she asks sweetly , she's swaying from side to side with her hands still behind her.

"sweetie, I was just showing daddy your drawing" I start

"did you like it daddy!" Iris turns her gaze to Peeta, smiling sweetly

"I _loved_ it honey, did your teacher get you to copy it?"

"uh huh, he brought in a picture of a pin with it on it and he said we had to copy it as best we could"

"well you did a great job sweetie" I say "did your teacher tell you anything interesting about the pin?" I try to say it casually.

"um...well, he told us the bird on the pin was a mocking jay – but I already knew that, then he asked if any of us had seen one and I put my hand up and said that my mama had shown me them when we were in the woods and that me and mama would sing to them and they would sing back to us!" I can't help but smile at that, I have took iris into the woods a couple of times, mostly just to play in the lake or to pick flowers and plants to eat, but I always point out the mocking jays to her and she always sings to them, the first song I taught her was Rue's little four note tune and Iris always whistle it to herself in the woods, she doesn't know who Rue is – just that she was an old friend of mine when I was a little girl.

"did he say anything else?" Peeta asks her as casually as I did.

"Uh..." she says trying to remember what her teacher had taught her. "he said that it symbolises hope" she says finally.

"yup that's right honey" Peeta says "is that all he told you?"

"I think so... _why_?" Iris asks curiously, her brow knits closer together as she stares at her daddy. uh oh here we go I think

"just wondering, why don't you go put this up on the wall?" Peeta suggests, trying to change the subject.

"okay!" Iris answers happily, she takes the picture and wonders off across the hall to the Studio

Me and Peeta follow suit and Peeta gets back to painting while I supervise the kids, luckily there has been minimal crayoned damage while Hunter had been out of my sight, a few coal black lines on the carpet but apart from that all seems well.

"mama?" Hunters asked me once I have crossed the room to the their corner

"yes, honey?" I say

"meadow!?" I forgot about the meadow.

"can we mama, please, please, _please_!" asks Iris understanding her younger brothers question.

"okay, Peeta, do you want me to take them myself so you can finish off your painting?"

"no, I'll come with you, it's impossible to keep an eye on both of them at the same time" he says laughing

"just you remember who I am mellark!" I say teasingly ,loud enough so Peeta can here, but low enough that Iris can't

He just laughs and says "how could I ever forget?"

"okay, let's get ready, I'll get iris and you take care of hunter"

Iris jumps up and Hunter scrambles to his feet.

I get Iris changed out of her light blue school dress and she instead puts on her yellow skirt and yellow button-up shirt to match, along the rim of the sleeves, neckline and bottom of the top there are little white daisies , the skirt has white daisies along the rim as well, there are 3 buttons on the top-half of the top, also daisy-shaped. Once iris is changed, I redo her two braids that she wears down her back. I can't help but think how much my daughter re-minds me of Prim, apart from her dark they look so alike.

I take Iris's hand and we go and find Peeta and Hunter who are waiting downstairs, Hunter didn't need to change, so Peeta only had to put shoes on his feet, Iris puts hers on now and I tie the laces for her. I notice Peeta holding something in his hand, a basket.

He must notice my confusion and so he tells me "I thought I would make some food so we can have a picnic in the meadow"

"that's a great idea Peeta!" I tell him, probably more excited than Iris or Hunter.

Iris claps her hands excitedly and Hunter copies

"Iris why don't you bring along some crayons and paper and you and hunter can draw while we're there?" I suggest

"okay!" she runs back up stairs to find the crayons

"so, what have you made for the picnic?" I ask giggling

"well, I made cookies and cheese buns for the kids" he says "don't worry you can have some too" he laughs, seeing my disappointed expression.

"_haha, _anyway, what did you make for us then?" I say smiling

"lamb stew" Peeta grins and I just stare at him, thinking about the last picnic me and Peeta had. A smile creeps over my face and I hug him, I keep holding on until Hunter pulls on my leg – obviously getting impatient and wanting to leave

"okay, let's get going" I pick up Hunter "Iris!" I shout up stairs

"just coming mama!" she shouts back from the top of them she skips down the steps and lands on the last one just as I walk past with hunter and Peeta, we walk towards the front door, I am the first to reach it but just as I go to turn the handle, there's a knock from the other side

I just assume it must be haymitch wondering if we have any alcohol, since he always runs out. It _is_ haymitch at the door, but he's not alone, behind him are an army of men, dressed in black suits, they step aside to reveal the President, President Paylor

district 12 is a long way away from the capitol, for the president to travel all the way here, and to feel the need to have haymitch present while she visits us, I know she must have some sort of news; but all I can think is, this is either really good, or really bad – and I'm almost certain it's bad.

**Hope you guys liked this chapter, cos of school and homework and stuff updates will probably be slow but i wil try to update whenever i can :) again please reveiw, if i know people are interested in the story it will make me want to write quicker :) **


	6. Chapter 5

**so, hey guys :D this is chapter 4 of Worse games - sorry i haven't updated in a while, my computer broke, my brother (the nice guy that he is) refuses to let me use his and i get too impatient with my dad's one cos it's _so_ slow! so this chapter is longer to say sorry :) hope you enjoy it btw my spell checker has went weird when it comes to "i's" and i don't like using the one on this 'cos it uses american grammar so it tells me all my words are wrong since I use brittish! so sorry for any mistakes (it should still be readable lol ) and tell me what you's think!**

erm uh hello" Peeta says to President Paylor as worried and confused as me

"Hello Peeta" she smiles at Peeta warmly

"katniss" she nods at me, still smiling - but I can tell the smile is strained

i smile back trying to look happy, but i don't say anything.

"are you President Paylor!" Iris asks excitedly "our teacher talks about you _all_ the time!"

Paylor just laughs at Iris "well, i guess this must be Iris" she say to me

i smile again, but still i say nothing - i am mentally trying to rule out reasons why she would be here.

"well the last time i saw any pictures of you, you were about this size" she motions with her hand putting them a small amount apart.

her eyes turn to Peeta, but she's not looking at him ,rather at the small blonde boy beaming at her from Peeta's shoulder

she gasps "and who's this little guy?" she asks, Even now when we actually can, we still don't leave the district much - the last time we left was when Iris was just a baby and we went to visit my mother in district 4 , this is how most people found out about Iris. i hadn't really thought about it, but although news spreads quickly in Panem, it seems after the excitement of Iris, people calmed down when Hunter came along and weren't really talking about it as much, it seems that the news still hadn't reached the capitol or at least it hadn't reached President Paylor.

"this is hunter" Peeta answers he smiles up at Hunter and Hunter, in turn smiles at President Paylor " say Hello to Paylor Hunter" Peeta says. Hunter gives a little shake of his hand and mumble hello to our guests.

"and how old are you Hunter" paylor asks him, though she was really asking Peeta.

"he's two" Peeta says

"I'm five - well almost" chimes in Iris annoyed that her younger brother is receiving more attention than her.

Paylor jokingly shakes her head and turn her attention from hunter to Iris "are you?" she says in that over excited voice adult often use with small children "so have you already started school?"

Iris grins widely showing the tooth that is missing on the left side of her mouth and nods her head.

"what are your favourite lessons?" Paylor asks

"ummm art and music, and i guess i kinda like history sometimes - i like learning about all the other districts!"Iris says enthusiastically

"well that's not surprising" she says almost under her breath "who would have guessed that the mockingjay's daughter would love music class" she says it innocently , probably without thinking but me and Peeta shoot each other a look and then we look at Iris, her brow has knitted together and she has that look in her eye - she's thinking it over - then she finally asks "what...who's mockingjay, my mama's name is Katniss!"

Paylor gives me a look as if to say "sorry i thought you would have told her" i look at Peeta desperately waiting for him to say something but he's looks just as caught off guard as me

"it was your mother's nickname when she was a girl, princess 'cos she sang like a mockingjay" Haymitch answers her, i had actually forgotten he was there_ "princess"_ i think, like he calls me "sweetheart" he has made a habit of calling Iris princess, i hate it almost as much as sweetheart but Haymitch knows that and that's probably why he calls her it. i shoot him a grateful glance for answering her question

"even the _President!_" Iris asks amazed

"well, Princess, you mother and father have told you before, they were pretty well known as kids - they travelled a lot" Haymitch laughs when he finishes the sentence.

Iris thinks about it "but... it wasn't her, there was another President when mama and daddy were younger" she says referring to President snow

"Like i said Princess,_ everybody_ knew your mother and father"

Iris thinks again and accepts Haymitch's answer.

"anyway can we get inside I'm freezing out here sweetheart" haymitch says to me.

"actually, we were just about to take the kids to the meadow, cant this wait?" Peeta asks

Paylor looks at one of the men in black, he has short hair and an earpiece in his right ear. he taps the black watch on his left wrist and shakes his head

"no, i don't think so, we are expected back in the capitol tonight" she concludes and motions for me to open the door

"what, nooooo! you said we were going to the meadow!" Iris protest, she stamps her right foot and folds her arms tight against her chest.

"look princess, we have business, _adult_ business to handle, you be a good little girl for your uncle haymitch and take the little guy into the living room and keep yourselves entertained while us adults talk, and you can maybe go to the meadow later" Haymitch speaks to her sternly but softly

she doesn't say anything and doesn't look any of us in the eyes but she walks over to Peeta and out stretches her hands towards his shoulder "come on hunter lets go" she says huffily

"thank you honey" Peeta says to her lovingly

she shoots him a look, her blue eyes like steel, she turns round and stomps out of the room with hunter at her heels

as soon as Iris is out of earshot Haymitch burst into laughter "well she definitely your daughter sweetheart!" he says.

i shoot him the same look and also stomp away, I turn towards the study Peeta and the others follow me.

i sit down as the others scramble around to find chairs and arrange them in a circle around the small writing desk, peeta is last to settle in a chair next to my own and brings with him the cookies from the basket

i laugh at him "Iris won't be happy- _no _meadow _and no _cookies!"then i add "don't worry, you know what she's like. She can't hold a grudge when it comes to you" after seeing his guilty expression

"so...who's gonna explain to us what we're doing here in this crowded study instead of in the meadow with our children?" i say in a tone to let them all know i'm not happy about missing the meadow trip.

they all stay quiet, looking for words to explain what we _are_ doing here - i know this can't be a good sign.

"anybody?" i say.

Paylor sighs "well ,you see Katniss, when President Coin was erm... _killed" _i tense and my eyes dart down, she is referring to my public executing of the President. "and i was elected into power, we went through all of President snows laws and re-verified them all, it took quite a long time as, as i'm sure you know there were many laws" i nod my head at Paylor thinking of all the laws i was taught as a child ... stealing is punishable by death... leaving the district without permission is a criminal offence and will be treated as seen fit by the capitol and/or Peacekeepers...reaping is mandatory, if you do not show up for a reaping, peacekeepers will determine a suitable punishment... she's right there are many "we actually only just finished the process last month and when my associates were completing the final touches they noticed something..." she trails off, i look at Peeta worriedly. The man in black who spoke earlier (who i think is the head body guard) speaks up "at the end of the war when President Coin was still alive, it appears she made a law... _just_ before her umm... death" Paylor speaks again "unknown to me - a meeting took place just after the capitol fell, and there was a vote..." my heart starts pounding and i start to shake i look at Peeta his eyes are closed, i think he might be having one of his episodes. "no you can't mean..." my voice trails off into a whisper

"yup sweetheart" haymitch speaks up he takes a swig from the bottle of alcohol in his hand. i not too sure where he got it - i don't think he had it when he came in... "_the _vote was_ our _vote, and you know what the outcome was"

"in favour" i whisper "but...no... i didn't _mean _that...it was just prim was... and i was" I'm breathing heaving ,my voice is high and shaky.

"don't matter sweetheart, it was made_ law_, they can't do anything to stop it" Haymitch says, his voice filled with regret - i guess he wishes he didn't vote yes either.

"but Paylor... she's president she can _change_ the law that's her job she's spent the last _ten years_ doing it!" I say more frustrated than upset now.

"_no _sweetheart, she can change any laws President _Snow_ made, _that _law was made by President Coin" he says taking another swig from the bottle

"as if she's any better!" i shout angrily across the table at Haymitch "we all want revenge and maybe there from the capitol but there still just _children!" _i scream

"hey sweetheart calm down, i don't like it anymore than you do, but it going to happen, there isn't anything we can do!" he shouts back

i slump down in my chair, he's right there is nothing we can do. It may be run differently now but if the capitol makes up it's mind there's no changing it.

i look at Peeta, he stares at me sadly with those Blue eyes that have been passed down to Iris, and i burst into tears. "i'm so...sorry...peeta!...this is... all my...fault!" i screech through my sobs.

"hey, it's _not_ your fault!, Coin manipulated you - she knew you were still grieving over prim..." he says

prim! i think, Prim wouldn't have wanted this! i burst into a fresh flow of tears.

Peeta has taken control of the conversation, i force myself to listen through my cries.

"so" he starts "when will..." he sighs "when will this happen"

"the announcement has been scheduled for next week, the reaping will take place next month - on the 4th of June"

what - did she say the fourth of June? that's Iris's birthday... Peeta must be thinking the same thing because his eyes dart down as mine did at the mention of president Coin's death and his grip on my hand becomes tighter.

"is everything all right?" Paylor asks Peeta

stupid question i think, his wife's sitting here in floods of tears and he is faced with an event that he fought for not to happen

"yes" Peeta says "it's just..." he looks down again

"fourth of June's the kid's birthday" Haymitch says slamming the empty bottle from his hands down on the table. i'm not sure whether he's angry about what's happening or just because his bottle is empty - probably _both,_ i think i stop crying and almost laugh at myself.

"oh, i didn't realise" she clears her throat "there's one more thing..." what _now_ i think

"the capitol... well the rebels, want _you_ to make the announcement" she says bracing herself for my reaction

i feel the anger rising inside me. Me? They want_ me!? W_hat are you thinking obviously they want _you _i say to myself, your their precious little mockingjay! who better to break the news to a whole nation of children than the reason it was voted in, in the first place. It was my vote that decided it ... - well technically _that's _a lie, _technically_ it was _haymitch _who had the final vote - but if i had voted _no_ he would have too...

"well, _that's _no surprise" i say to her coldly

"look katniss, i'm sorry, i_ know _you don't want to do this" Paylor says it with a real pain in her voice and i almost feel sorry for reacting so badly - she's not like President Coin, i_ know _she probably doesn't want this either.

"I know" I whisper choking back the tears still threatening to spill over my face - i sigh "fine, I'll do it, but i _refuse _to do it in front of a live audience of _any _sort and _I _will write my own speech - this needs to be my own words, I need to explain to them... _why" _

silence - Paylor is considering my terms.

she nods her head "okay, you will travel to the capitol in the morning - I understand tomorrow is a school day, would you like me to set up a private tutor for Iris? you may be in the capitol for a long time, or if you prefer i can set up for iris to go to a capitol school close the Presidential mansion?"

Haymitch bursts into laughter "yeah great way to get the kid _killed _Paylor, send her to a _capitol _school which will include children of the reaping age - or at least their younger siblings _right _after her mother announces on national television that they could be very shortly sent to their deaths!"

"okay good point, so a tutor then - I will talk to the school, I'm sure Iris will be more comfortable with a teacher she knows" Paylor motions for one of the men in black to write it down - I hadn't noticed, but he had been writing notes down through out the meeting.

Haymitch's comments make me think - he's right, taking my _children _to the capitol is an opportunity for harm to be brought to them

i quickly add _one _last thing to my list of demands "_and _I want at least one body-guard with the children at _all _times - even when there with us"

"yes, we thought about that already both children will be supervised at all times" she smiles at me and the man in black writes more notes down.

the head body-guard taps President Paylor on the shoulder. She looks round and he taps his watch she turns back to us and says "I looks like it's time for me to go - get yourselves and the children packed. you too Haymitch. The train will be here to pick you up tomorrow morning at 10" she gets up from her seat and walks out as she gets to the door she turns back "i really am sorry, i know you have spent the past years trying to forget" and then she walks out the door - leaving me, peeta and a drunken Haymitch alone

haymitch rises from his chair gripping the back of it with his hands to steady himself "well, i better go get packed" he slurs, he's still laughing from the "capitol school" comment he tries to get to the door but stumbles the whole way.

Peeta sighs "i better go with him and make sure he get's home okay" he rises from the table too - Haymitch lives literally next door but he's so drunk he could probably drop down outside the front door and fall asleep

Peeta shuts the door leaving me alone - Paylor's words echo in my head 'I know you have been spending the past years trying to forget' she's right - we have been, everything we have done - even having the children, was an attempt to start again and pretend that our past didn't exist, shielding our children from it as much as possible and now, all of a sudden - we are being forced to remember. Iris is a curious kid and she _will _ask about everything we do in the capitol and now i realise. There is no way to avoid it. taking Iris to the capitol, the _last _Hunger Games all means _one _thing - Iris will have to know - they are a month away but i already know the first and final capitol Hunger Games are _not _going to be in our favour.

**so guys, what did yous think? again sorry for the grammar/spelling in this chapter - please reveiw :)**

**well... until next time bye :D!**


	7. Chapter 6

**hi guys! sorry for the huge gap between chapters! School started back and my dancing has changed to the days i have access to a computer so i can only really write on the weekend but i hope you like this chapter and please please please reveiw i might start another story but i want to get a bit more interest in this one first so please read and enjoy chapter 6 of my first Fanfic - Worse games :) **

I leave the study and find Iris in the living room drawing pictures with Hunter.

_"no hunter- _like this" Iris leans over hunter's paper and draws something on the page, hunter then takes the crayon from her and makes another attempt "that one's better" Iris smiles at Hunter , she looks up at the doorway to see me standing there

"Oh, hi mama! Is the President and all those men gone?" she says

"yes they left a moment ago" Iris looks disappointed - I think she wanted to ramble on to the president a bit more before she left. I take a deep breath and force a smile on my face "don't worry; you'll be seeing her again very shortly. She has asked us to come to the capitol for a few weeks" I tell her

Iris has "the look" on her face again - the one she always gets when she is thinking things through. "Like a _holiday" _she finally says.

I laugh "yes Iris, sort of like a holiday" she claps her hands together and grins

"When are we leaving!?" she asks scrambling to her feet

"Well, tomorrow morning - so you better go get pac..." Iris bolts out of the room and up the stairs to her bedroom

I laugh again and go pick up Hunter before chasing her up the stairs

I walk into the soft green bedroom, flowers of all shapes and sizes line the wall, Primrose and irises amongst them. Above her bed her name has been painted with two small Irises on either side. Iris fumbles around in the drawer beside her bed - painted to match the walls.

"Iris! You're making a mess!" I laugh walking over to her picking up discarded tops and dresses as I go

"why don't you let me pack and you and hunter go and find some things to use on the train" I say knowing this is a waste of time as there is no way they will want to use their own things when they get a hold of all the capitol gadgets, but I need them out my way so I can pack there things!

"Okay!" Iris says she yanks hunters hand in the direction of the door nearly pulling him off his feet; they go into the cluttered toy room beside hunter's bedroom.

I get to work packing - listening carefully for any noises coming from either the toy room or the front door - Peeta still wasn't back - I start with Iris' dresses - a light pink one with a white collar and a white heart on the pocket. a deep blue one - the colour of an iris - with a silver ribbon tied with a bow round the waist, the short sleeves puff out , the dress comes in at the waist and the skirt is netted underneath and comes out down to her knee's - it's my favourite dress - a plain white one with small flowers embroidered in the collar. Another white one that has been covered in glittering gems all over - Venia, Octavia and Flavius sent it for her on her last birthday - no surprise it's Iris' favourite, it reminds me of one of the wedding dresses I was sent by the capitol but I try not to think about that. I put in another 4 or so dresses and finally put in the red dress I wore on my first day of school and Iris did too. Beside the gem-dress it looks so simple - it is - but needless to say it's Peeta's favourite.

it occurs to me that Paylor didn't actually say how long we would be in the capitol, or if we would be back home before the games start - I doubt it , she will at least want _me _there as a symbol. It will pack both the kids for about 3 weeks - besides, they will probably have stylist to dress them both for special events and I'm sure the President mansion will have people to wash the clothes for us.

I pack Iris' blouses next - a red one with hearts along the rim, a light blue one with puffy sleeves and a wave pattern that my mother sent her at Christmas, a plain green one with square buttons, a light pink one with a white collar and heart-shaped buttons that matches her pink dress, a white ruffled one- I hide this one at the bottom of the bag, it looks like the one prim wore to reaping day I think of prim and put in 3 or 4 more blouses. I pack her red quarter lengths with the heart on the pocket, her blue trousers, her green skirt with the white belt, her pink shorts with a heart on the pocket like her red trousers, her white skirt and a few more skirts to match the rest of her blouses

I pack shoes to match each outfit and thing for her hair to match too. Three pairs of pyjama's - an orange nightdress, a purple nightdress and a blue button-up top and trousers to match. I look around the room and pack her favourite teddy and make a mental note to pick up her orange security blanket that she can't sleep without tomorrow morning before we leave. I decide that is probably all she needs, lucky too because the bag is totally full. It's crazy the amount of things we can afford now that would have been impossible to have when I and Peeta were Iris' age. As I zip up the bag Peeta walks into the room with Hunters bag - he must have came in a while ago since he has managed to pack Hunter's bag already – probably when i was zoned out thinking of prim I think.

"All packed?" he says

I sigh "I haven't even started yet" I hold up the bag "but at least the kids are"

"Let's go and get our things packed just now, while the kids seem occupied" he leaves Hunters bag on the bed, I do the same with iris' and we go get packed

I don't pack much, I will be given clothes for all my public appearances - which will be most of my time in the capitol, I end up only packing about 10 outfits and 2 nightdresses . Peeta must have been thinking the same because his bag is even emptier than mine. I take all four bags downstairs to the front door and head to the toy room to get the children ready for bed.

"Iris,hunter it's time for bed - you have a long day tomorrow!" they both follow me out of the room and I take them to the bathroom to get washed , once they come out the bath I dry them off and put them in their pyjama's. I help them brush their teeth (after they eat the rest of the cookies from earlier that Peeta gave them since he felt bad that they didn't get to go to the meadow) and take them to their rooms. I check the chart at Iris' bedroom door - It's my turn to read to Iris and Peeta to hunter. I turn into Iris' room and she is already sitting on the bed with her favourite book in her hands - The Little mocking jay - it's the story of how mockingjays came to be, told in a kind of fairy tale way. I read it to her _all the time, _I pretty much know it off by heart and I don't think I have read her a different story very often in the last 3 years but she never seems to get bored of it. I finish the story and get up to leave

"Mama?" Iris asks just as I reach the door

"Yes sweetie?"

"Why were you crying when you and daddy were talking to the president?"

"w-w-what I wasn't" I say (not very convincingly)

"Yes you were I heard you!"

"It was happy tears iris" I say and hurry to leave

"Then why were you screaming at uncle Haymitch!"

"Iris..."

Her voice goes quiet and squeaky "y-you said they are just children - did you mean me and hunter?"

"No Iris" I sigh "look, you shouldn't have been listening in to our conversation anyway - Haymitch is right it's _adult _business"

"but I want to _know _, my teacher asked if you were okay today and I said I don't know why wouldn't you be and then she just said it doesn't matter. Why did she want to know if you were okay? And why won't you or daddy tell me why you were famous when you were younger and my teacher wouldn't tell me either or even haymitch!..."

I interrupt her "look Iris - you wouldn't understand, we'll tell you when you're ready"

"But I want to know _now!" _I kiss Iris on the forehead

"Trust me honey, you'll know a lot sooner than you think. Now _bed _the trip to the capitol takes a while and it will be a _long _couple of weeks"

I turn Iris' light off and walk into my room. I want to tell Peeta about my conversation with Iris but he is already sleeping I'll just have to tell him in the morning I get into bed and try to sleep but I can't shut off my thinking - how am I going to tell Iris about the Hunger games? What if I just don't tell her? No she'd figure it out. I could always just play the tapes - no that would give her nightmares for the rest of her life I could get her teacher in the capitol to tell her - no I need to tell her it myself , besides I don't know who her tutor might be. They might have _loved _watching the hunger games they could have lost someone in the war... I guess I will just have to try and answer her questions as they come. But either way Iris will lose part of her childhood, by the time her 5th birthday comes she will know more about our past than I _ever _wanted to tell her.

another nightmare invades my dreams that night - I'm in my second games and Finnick is beside me - we can hear the mockingjay's mimicking the screams I hear Prim, Gale, My mother , Rory but two new screams have been added to the sounds - Iris' and Hunter's - I'm running towards the scream , I know there were all fake , but iris' sounds so real, I keep running towards the sound - I find Iris she is in the trap Rue was in, I get her out and she's still crying I turn round and Marvel from my first games throws the spear. I hear a scream. _Boom! _The cannon fires

Peeta is shaking me awake and I'm screaming so loud

"Katniss! It's okay, it was just a nightmare"

"No Peeta... I-I-it was our games _both _of them together the mockingjay screams... Marvel and iris..." I burst into tears " wear's Iris' I need to see her!"

"She's asleep in her room Katniss, go and check if you think it will make you calm down"

I do, my little girls lies sleeping in her bed - in a few hours we will be on a train to the Capitol. The next time Iris sleeps in her bed, it might be _her_ having the nightmares. Tomorrow we will travel back in time to the time of the Hunger Games and all its terror - the next time my little girl sleeps in her bed she will have lost something irreplaceable - her innocence.

**sorry for the kind of bad chapter ending i couldn't think of a better one and I wanted to hurry up and post this! again please review :) if you do something (review, favourite or follow) you can get an awesome shout out in my next chapter B-) if you do follow or review or favourite or something I will make sure to read your Fanfics in return! anyway hope you guys enjoyed this chapter any ideas for the usual stuff (tribute names , arena's, the mentor system) will be very much appreciated :) until next time goodbye x**


	8. Chapter 7

**so Hey guys - chapter 7 is finally here :) thankyou to "_mockingjay" _for reviewing i hope i get an A too lol x**

** hope yous all like it and please reveiw, favourite or follow (again i will give you a shout out if you do ) so i'm gonna leave it here so you can start reading chapter 7 of "Worse Games" enjoy x  
**

"Iris, run up stairs quickly and get your blanket - you _know_ you can't sleep without it!" She does as she's told as I quickly do a final mental check-list on what we need

"Peeta!" I shout upstairs to where Peeta is organising the art supplies he is taking on the train

"Yeah?" he shouts back

"did you remember Hunter's bottles?" yes okay - my two year old still drinks from a bottle, me and Peeta have tried to Wien him off it - but I'm afraid my son seems as stubborn as me when it comes to his drinking arrangements

"Yes, there in Iris' backpack!" I check the backpack and sure enough there inside.

"What about Barley and Basil?"(Iris and Hunter's teddy bears) Barley was hand-made and given to Iris when she was born by a women in district 11 - Iris' birth had been thought of as a sign of happiness , a new beginning in Panem and many people from many of the districts had offered gifts when she was born - He was very small and fitted perfectly in the palm of Iris' hand, Barley was yellowish, patches of white had been sewn on to him, she had, had him since she was born and he was in quite a state - his left ear hung on by a strand of thread, the white of his feet had been permanently stained brown from the mud in the meadow and his fur had turned hard where she had sucked on it. When Hunter was born another teddy arrived - Iris called him Basil and Hunter was too young to really name him himself so the name stuck. Basil was around the same size as Barley but had brown fur - he also had patches, but of a lighter brown colour. Basil was in a much better way than Barley - apart from the same hard fur, though there was much more of it. Hunter doesn't really bother with him and even Iris could survive without Barley but I thought I should bring them just in case, the capitol will feel alien to them and they might need something to make them feel close to home.

I hear Peeta shouting to Iris "Iris grab Barley and basil while you're up here"

I check the time on the television - I shudder realising that in just a few weeks my worst nightmare will be live on television again.

"Peeta, Iris we need to _go! _It's 9.40am and the train station is 20 minutes away!"

"We're coming, we're coming!" Peeta says walking downwards towards me with Iris jumping the stairs two at a time in front of him.

"It's okay sweetheart - the train won't leave without us" Haymitch bursts into hysterical laughter and Hunter - who is on his hip -copies him

"Shut up Haymitch, just do me a favour and give me hunter - you can take his bag for him" I take Hunter and make sure there is nothing else we need - "Peeta did you bring..." he cuts me off "Katniss - we've got everything let's just go before we miss the train!"

"Are you sure? - what about hunter's pacifier?"

"Yes!"

"What about his bottles and the kid's teddies?"

"Katniss, you already asked me that! Yes there in Iris' backpack"

There's a knock at the door, so I go to answer it

"Hello Mrs Mellerk the car Miss President sent for you is waiting outside, are you ready to leave?" The man is dressed as the men from the meeting last night were

"Oh sorry, I didn't realise she had sent a car. We were just going to walk to the station, yes we are ready - just a moment"

I disappear back into the house

"Change of plan - Paylor has sent a car for us - come on, it's waiting outside. Haymitch you take Hunter's bag and Peeta will take Iris's"

"And what's wrong with your own hands sweetheart?" he says sarcastically

"Haymitch, just do what I ask - I'll take Hunter and keep an eye on Iris - Iris can you take your backpack for me?"

"Sure mama!" she swings her backpack onto her back and heads for the door. I pick up my own bag and shift Hunter to the other hip so I can carry it and make my way to the door as well. Everyone else follow.

Paylor hasn't sent a car - she's sent a limosine - guess she really was sorry.

when Iris see's the limo she runs straight for it, I chase after her with Hunter, the man gestures for me to hand him the bag and I go inside - there are ten seats - more than enough space for 3 adults and 2 children, it is pretty plain and simple compared to some of the Limo's I have been in the capitol - but it will only be a 10 minute journey to the train station in a car. Iris runs straight to the far end of the limo and jumps up on one of the seats I follow her and sit Hunter and myself in two seats across from her. Peeta and Haymitch also come in; Peeta sits beside myself and Haymitch beside Iris. The door shuts and the car starts, nobody other than Iris says much for the journey - she rambles on about facts she learned in school about the capitol and the other districts.

The journey feels even shorter than I expected and before I know it we are on the train having breakfast, even after the capitol has fell the food is still amazing compared to the districts. Iris seems in awe with the choice and fills her plate as much as she can possibly fill it - I can see it coming up later and I'm just thankful it won't be my job to clean it up.

We are shown to our rooms, it is in a different area of the train than I am used to - I guess it is where the family rooms are. Even after my life of being in the capitol the size of the room amazes me - it is the equivalent of a small apartment - both children have their own bedroom within the room - Hunter's has been painted a dark blue with a blue crib and furniture to match. Iris' has been painted a butter-yellow with a white mini-version of a four poster bed and white furniture. Me and Peeta have the biggest bedroom in the centre of the others with the bathroom off to the right beside Hunter's room. Haymitch has a smaller single-person room down the hall.

As soon as I get into the room I put all four bags in an empty cupboard in Peeta and I's bedroom. Iris' watches me curiously

"Mama why are you putting our clothes in there?"

"Because Iris, you will only need your clothes when you get to the capitol"

She thinks it over "but then what am I supposed to wear just now!?"

"Come with me" I say and lead Iris into her bedroom - she squeaks when she sees her bed and I take her over to the white chest of drawers in the corner

"Open it" I say

She does as I tell her and gasps slightly

"Mama! Why are there other people's clothes in _my _drawers!" she pouts

I laugh a little "Iris, there for _you!" _

There's another pause as she thinks it over "Paylor gave me them?"

"Well, I guess you could say that - they are for you to wear until we get to the capitol"

"Okay, can I go and look around the train?"

I look at Peeta cautiously "let her go, she can't go anywhere and even if she gets lost, all she has to do is ask somebody and they will drop her right back off in the room" he says and chuckles to himself while he unpacks his painting equipment.

"Still she's only 4" Iris goes to talk but I cut her off "nearly 5" I say as if reading her mind

"Katniss at 4- nearly 5 you were already going _hunting_ with your father, I'm sure _that's _more dangerous than letting Iris walk around a train herself" he says as he starts to add more colour to a drawing he has been working on all morning

"fine, Iris you can go - but be back when the big hand is at 12 and the little hand is at 3 - 3 O'clock and make sure you ask someone where you are the _moment _you get lost"

"I _will _mama!" she says rolling her eyes. She picks up her little backpack and leaves the room. I wait a few minutes before following her out - she is at the bottom of the hall. I see an Avox

"Can you follow Iris for me and make sure she doesn't get herself into _too _much trouble" I say to the women

She nods solemnly and walks down the route Iris had taken.

happy that my daughters is being watched I head back into the room and find Hunter gazing up at Peeta I follow his gaze up to Peeta's drawing - and I see it, Peeta hasn't painted like this since just before the 75th games - but the painting is as vivid and obvious as ever. Memories drawn on paper - that's how Peeta relieves stress, I hunt and He paints. This time it's not an exact memory, more like lots of memories drawn together - The Bloodbath - I'm not sure if Peeta saw those dead first hand or if he just remembers it from the recordings we were forced to watch at our crowning, The girl from district 3 lies facedown with a knife in her neck, boys from 4 & 5 lie beside her, throats slit. Boys from 7 and 8 lay across from each other one with a spear in their chest the other with a knife in their chest - they probably killed each other. The girl from 6 - blood pouring from her mouth and hands the girls from 7 and 9 both died of arrow shots - likely Glimmer's work. The girl from 10 killed by spear then there's the boy from 9 - who was killed by clove when we were fighting over the backpack. Then beside it is the girl from 8 - the one who Peeta killed on the first day - she lies lifeless, the fire that got her killed still dwindling. Glimmer and the girl from 4 covered in tracker jacker stings - the arrows no-longer on Glimmers back. The crippled boy from 10 with a knife through his heart. Boy from 3, his neck turned in the wrong direction - snapped by Cato. Marvel lies with my arrow through his chest Clove - bleeding wounds from where my arrows had hit her, the rock that was her fatal blow lies beside her. Foxface - her mouth stained from the berry juice, nightlock rolling off her hand. Thresh bloody and lifeless - sword marks covering his body - the fatal one on his neck. Cato - dogs surrounding him - my Arrow in his heart and finally in the centre of all the other rue lies peacefully covered by the flowers I had arranged around her - Peeta has never painted something like this before, this isn't just a memory - It's something more, a tribute, a tribute to dead tributes - A death painting. I have been so worried about the children I didn't think about what coming back here might do to Peeta - All the memories it might bring back - and the reality that no matter how many memories it brings back, the people in them are gone forever.

** hope yous all enjoyed it! and please please please pretty please with a cherry on top review it, follow it or favourite it! i need motivation :) also check out my other Fanfic "Born To Die" it is a SYOT and i haven't actually started writing it yet b/c i still don't have enough tributes! so please fill out a tribute form and send me a tribute for that story so i can hurry up and start writing it! :) (check the story chapters for what spaces have been taken ) until next time; thanks for reading and goodbye x**

**PS . review! lol x**


	9. Chapter 8

**hey guys chapter 8 is here :) It's a little bit shorter than usual (chapter 8 and 9 were both just going to be the same chapter but it was too long and I hate long chapters ! lol x) So i split them up, since the next chapter is already typed and stuff you can expect it to be up later on tonight hope you enjoy and goodbye x PS just realised I never thanked CutePandas382 - RuePeetaKatniss - & Fuzzycat901 for reviewing ! thanks :) please please review this chapter and the other chapters and tell me if there is anything you like/dislike or whatever. anyway here's chapter 8!**

"Peeta?, w-w-why are you painting that again?"  
he turns around finally noticing that i am back in the room, he doesn't look at me - he keeps his eyes focused on the floor "I'm not sure, i just starting to draw - and i drew that, i guess I've just been thinking about it lately"  
"oh" there is a long awkward pause so decide to change the subject "well I'm going to take hunter out around the train"  
a smirk creeps onto Peeta's face "please don't tell me your going to spy on Iris?"  
i laugh "how dare you Peeta!" i say sarcastically "she would notice me - i've got an avox following her" i wink at peeta and slip out the room with Hunter in my arms i see him laughing and shaking his head sarcastically.  
i walk down the hall until i reach Haymitch's door i knock, i can here banging inside the room - he's stumbling to the door, he finally opens it "oh hey sweetheart! long-time no see" he slurs sarcastically holding onto the doorframe to stop him from falling flat on his face.  
"hey, haymitch. you've been on these trains a lot longer than me, is there anywhere i can take hunter to play? he seems kinda bored in the room"  
"this is a train sweetheart not a nursery"  
"I'll take that as a no then"  
"don't get me wrong sweetheart - they've made the train pretty kid-friendly for your royal heiness's arrival" he laughs, he's talking about Iris  
"what; so you think they might have turned one of the rooms into a play room or something?"  
"don't think they will have took it to that extreme - even for the mockingjay's kids, but go ask one of the attendants or something they've probably got some toys or something for him. why didn't you bring toys for him anyway?"  
"are you kidding me - it would have been a waste of space, at least once they got to the capitol and found out all about the capitols toys they never could of had in twelve"  
"point taken sweetheart - anyway; where's Iris?"  
I roll my eyes, he would never admit it but It's obvious he has a soft spot for Iris "off exploring the train"  
"what and Peeta let her!?" he says shocked  
"as a matter of fact, it was me who was worried about it"  
"that not like him, he'd wrap them both up in cotton wool and keep them locked in the house if he could"  
"he's been a bit... distracted lately - he's started painting... it again" i don't have to tell him anymore - he knows i mean the games  
he sighs "guess you just gotta keep his mind off it, what's it this time? Rue? Cato? Bloodbath?"  
"all of them - it was like a death painting of all the tributes from our first games"  
He looks thoughtful "an honour painting, that's too typical of Peeta - honouring those who tried to kill him"he say sarcastically  
"it's not like they had a choice - remember?" I say sharpish  
he waves it off "yeah yeah" he sighs "i know that"  
"look, I'm going to go and find one of those attendants, we shouldn't be talking about this in front of Hunter anyway"  
Hunter looks up at me when he hears his name "mama?"  
I laugh "one minute hunter"  
"yeah yeah, just one more thing. This "speech" your doing in the capitol, what are you going to say?"  
"damn! i forgot about it, i haven't even thought about it yet - i'll do it tonight before dinner" i think aloud.  
"mama! toys! toys!" Hunter interrupts the conversation  
i sigh "i better go, he's getting really restless"  
"bye sweetheart"  
"i'll see you at lunch" i spot the bottle of alcohol in his hands "maybe" i say and shut the door, i hear more stumbling and banging on the other side and assume he is trying to get back to his bed - or the bathroom to throw-up.  
as I turn around to start walking down the hall, i spot the avox girl I had asked to follow Iris "hey, where's Iris. I thought you were following her for me!?" i say slightly hostile she nods in the direction of the hall way and i look around just in time to see Iris disappear into the next car - the food car "she's going to make herself sick all she has done since she got on this train is eat" i say to myself. The avox girl just smiles, I turn to her "I'm sorry I talked to you like that, I'm just nervous - I don't like the idea of Iris running a mock on the train herself!" i say half joking. The Avox just nods and gives me a sad smile. I wonder if she once had children and a family - before the capitol made her an avox. Probably not, i think - after the rebellion all of the Avox's were given the choice to go home to their family or keep working , obviously many chose to go home but the few who had nobody to return to stayed. Maybe she did have children, maybe the capitol killed them or maybe they died in the rebellion... i gulp, she has already started to walk away and find Iris i shout to her "do you have any children" she turns around and looks at the ground, she nods her head sadly "how many?" she holds up 1 finger to indicate 'one'. "a girl?" she nods her head again - eyes still on the ground. my voice goes quieter "what district are you from?" she shakes her head "the capitol?" i say a little surprised and she nods her head again "why don't you go back?" she pauses thinking for a moment, then shakes her head quickly and walks away to find Iris.  
I stand their kind of shocked for a moment and go once again on my hunt to find Hunter some form of entertainment. I see a man standing at the door to the car where, on my way to the Hunger Games Peeta and I had watched the recaps of the reapings "excuse me?" I say to the man, I wait for him to reply - not knowing whether he is an Avox or not, since the capitol fell and Avox's were given the choice to return home, regular people from the capitol have had to take on the jobs Avox's once did. "yes Mrs Ever- i mean Mrs Mellark?" He says in his still-silly Capitol accent - He is not an avox. I smile at him - people often forget I am no longer Everdeen. "sorry" he starts "I have known you all my life as Everdeen or mockingjay, never erm, Mellark" he smiles at little embarrassed. It's strange when someone you have never met in your life. has known you most of theirs - but i guess you get used to it. I look at the man. He looks in his late 20's, probably about 26 he would have been around 16 at the start of my first games - the same age i was. I wonder what it was like, for a boy in the capitol to watch people his own age being murdered on live television - I wonder if he felt sorry for us, or just sat backed and watched the games. Probably the latter, like most people in the capitol he probably didn't see a problem with it, some still don't - That's one of the main reasons i agreed to a final games. To show the capitol what we went through; how wrong it really was, why our parents cried and screamed at reapings, why we cried and screamed on the trains, why we hated the capitol, why we rebelled; why i volunteered.

**Yes, told you it was short - but the next part will be up soon! So that was chapter 8, chapter 9 - like i said - will probably be up later on tonight so keep checking back for updates :) also thought now might be a good time to mention that i will be needing tributes for the FIRST AND FINAL CAPITOL HUNGER GAMES! so please send me a tribute form :) please use the one on my other story "Born to Die" or use your own just now until i write up one for this specific story (obviously things like careers and Districts will be different than the normal forms, so i will need to write another form for this story!) as always, favourite, follow, review! and get a shout out in the next chapter :)**


	10. Chapter 9

**so guys :) hey! so I know i have spend a really long time on the train - I didn't plan on it _honest! _but rest assured we will be in the capitol soon enough :) anyway really hope you like this chapter thankyou to sunsetorange12 for following this story and i hope other people do too :) as always please review - you want people to review _your_ stories, right? so why don't you review other peoples :) thankyou for all the nice reviews and PM's so farr**

**PS. Please check out my other fanfic 'born to die' it's SYOT and theres still a few space that need filled so please check it out :) and without further-a-due here's chapter 9!  
**

"Eh, are you alright Mrs Mellark?" the young man says.

"Yes, sorry" I say realising I have been staring blankly at him for the past few minutes.

"So...what is it you need?"

"What? oh yes, right, ehh I was just wondering if, you happened to have any toys on board for him" I nod a Hunter " I forgot to bring his own, do you have anything?" I eventually ask.

"well, I'm not sure, these trains were only recently converted, they actually used to be the trains that..." he stops, remembering who I am "well, I'm sure you know" he laughs awkwardly "anyway, I'll have to check - but if you want you can take him into the television room and let him watch the Children's channel while I find out"

"Children's channel?" I say confused

"yes, I think they usually only get it in the capitol but It runs on the trains as far as I know; it's channel 9 on the television, feel free to take him in and watch it - or, of course, you can watch it in your room"

"I think I'll will take him to watch it in the television room; but I just need to go back and check on something first" I say

"Of course Mrs Mellark" the young man says "good afternoon"

I walk back to the room and Notice Peeta is still painting the 'death painting' "you better finish that and cover it up before Iris comes back" I say

"I don't think I'll be finished by then" he says, not even looking round to acknowledge me or Hunter

I sigh "well, I'll be in the TV room with Hunter - the attendant I was talking to doesn't know if they have any toddler-appropriate toys; but he said there is a children's channel on the television - we get the channel in here too; but I thought I would take him there instead. The TV room is quite dark and I'm hoping it will make him fall asleep before lunch - I'm trying to get him to nap as much as possible, since, there probably won't be much time for it in the capitol. Plus, you can get on with your... _painting _in peace. If Iris comes in and you're still not finished, just cover it up quickly and send her to find me in the TV room. Then you can finish it "I say

"Okay" Peeta says - still not looking round "I'll be finished it by the time you come back from lunch"

I sigh, and grab Basil - hoping it might help Hunter go to sleep in the television room.  
When we get there, the man is already gone. I let myself into the room and sit myself and hunter down on the couch me and Peeta sat on when we were watching the reapings. I prop Hunter up with the pillows and put Bazil beside him. "what channel was it again?" I say to myself as I press multiple numbers on the control. I eventually click on 9, in time to see a small yellow teddy bear cross the screen, he starts singing a song "ABC, 123 - It's easy to learn when you learn with me!" I can't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all "hello boys and girls!" I see Hunter wave back - not understanding that the teddy can't actually see him "I'm Mr stuffs and this is learning hour on Kidz TV! Today we're going to learn the colours of the rainbow!" Hunter's eyes glint when 'Mr stuffs' mentions the word colour. The blonde bear goes into another singing number about the rainbow "there's red then there's orange then there's yellow and green - the worlds full of colour ready to be seen. Blue like the river or Violet like the flower. It's time to learn your colours on learning hour!" he keeps repeating the song, Hunter picks it up quite fast and starts to sing along on the second or third repeat - I think it repeats around five times. Next the little bear goes outside his house; he points at things in the garden. Mr stuffs points at things "what colour is the grass?"

"Green!" hunter shouts at the telly

The word green comes up at the bottom of the screen "It's green!" says stuffs "did you get it right?" he says, meaning the viewers at home

next he points to the sky "what colour is the sky?"

"Blue!" says Hunter

the word blue comes up and the little bear says "It's blue! did you get it right?"

now he points towards the sky again "what colour are the clouds?"

"White!" Hunter squeals!

white comes up at the bottom of the screen "They're White! did you get it right?"

the same thing goes on repetitively for about another 10minutes "what colours the mailbox?" "red!" "what colours the flower?" "purple!" "what colours the sun?" "yellow!" finally the music in the background fades and the little bear say "well done boys and girls! you all know your colours really well! Now let's do something a little bit trickier - My friend Dexter the dog over here is trying to paint a picture, but he's ran out of green paint and he can't finish the grass! do _you_ know how we can make Dexter some more green paint?" he pauses waiting for his viewers to answer

"mix!" Hunter shouts

"we have to mix some paints! Now boys and girls; to make colours, we need to mix other colours, First of all we need our three _primary _colours" the colours of paint appear at the bottom of the screen "The primary colours are the colours that we mix to make others, along with our friends white & black we can make any colour in the rainbow! But what colours do we need to make green?" he pauses again, Hunter doesn't say anything

"Hunter, you know that. what colours make green?" I say

He shrugs "yellow and blue?" he asks me

"we need to mix yellow and blue paint to make green!" says the teddy. answering for me.

"see Hunter, you got it right!" I say in the annoying tone parent's use with their children

"but how do we make other colours boys and girls?" The music starts up again and the teddy starts another tedious musical number.

"red and yellow makes orange! to make purple mix red and blue! we make grey by mixing white and black and to make green we use blue and yellow too. we make blue darker by adding black we make green lighter by adding white to make pink we mix white and red - all by using red,blue,yellow, black and white! sing along boys and girls!" again this song continues for about 5 verses

the show goes on for another half an hour, the teddy bear tells us about light & dark and shades, We "help" him help Dexter finish his painting - telling him what colours everything should be he sings a few more songs and finishes on the little theme tune "ABC, 123 - It's easy to learn when you learn with me!" then he says goodbye.

I check the clock on the wall above the TV - It's 3.30 and lunch is only served until 4.00 "I better go back to the room and get Peeta and Iris so we can go for lunch" I say to myself I told Iris to be back no later than 3 O'clock, Peeta must have already finished his drawing before she came back, Or else he would have sent her to find me. I go to pick Hunter up - He's sleeping he must have just crashed out when the show had finished. I pick him up carefully and put him over my shoulder as he sleeps soundly. I Decide He can miss lunch and I will keep him some food for later, he will probably be asleep for a good 2 hours anyway. I get to the room and fumble around for my key while balancing Hunter over my shoulder, I go in and notice the painting is gone, Peeta must have hid it from Iris. Peeta though, is sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up against his chest - his head rests on the wall and his eyes are closed tight - he's having an episode.

"Peeta?!" I say attempting to bring him out of his state

"Peeta, it's okay, it's not real. Whatever you see isn't real" I say to him

"katniss! run, he wants Iris and Hunter, go!" he says

"who wants them? Peeta it's okay - president snow is dead - he can't take them, Iris and Hunter are safe" I say

"No there not, he's already got them" He says

"peeta, Hunter is here - He's with me, I have him - he's safe" I say to him

there's a pause "what about Iris?" he says

I contemplate whether I should worry him or lie to him - I decide the latter is better "eehhh, she's here too yup, she's behind me - come on Peeta, its okay" I say

slowly but surely his eyes begin to open "Hunter" he says relieved

I put my finger to my lip "shhhh he's sleeping" I whisper

he smiles "but where's Iris?" he says

"she's just coming" I say, just not to worry him. but as if on cue Iris bursts through the door behind me

"this train is soooo big!, there already serving lunch when are we going to..." Iris starts a little too loudly

"Iris! shhhhhh" I say putting my finger on my lips again and pointing to hunter

"oh, sorry mama" she says and puts a finger to her own lips

"it's okay sweetie. But speaking of lunch, why don't we go just now?" I say

"but what about hunter?" Peeta asks

"I will ask one of the attendants for a pram to lay him in beside us while we eat" I say

"okay" says Peeta as he gets up from where he sat against the wall "lets go!"  
He goes over to Iris and picks her up and spins her round "you can tell us all about your adventures on the train during lunch" he says  
with a smirk. "okay daddy" she says in a whisper trying her best not to wake her brother.

when we get to the food car all the food has already been laid out on the table - It's a red soup five bowls have been laid out - Only three of which are likely to be eaten "excuse me?" I say to the attendant who just entered the room she looks up at me, but says nothing - indicating to me that she is an Avox "could we please have a pram for him to sleep in while we eat?" she smiles at me and nods her head before leaving the room, I assume to get the pram for Hunter.

"mama, what kind of soup is that?" Iris asks still whispering

"Iris you don't have to whisper - I can barely hear you!" I say laughing

"oh, sorry mama, what kind of soup is it?" she says raising her voice slightly

"ummmmm" I start

"I think it's tomato" Peeta finishes for me.

"okay!" says Iris and she runs to the second smallest of the five bowls.

"do you think Haymitch will turn up?" I ask Peeta leaning so not to let hunter fall from my ever-tiring shoulder

"probably not" he says

the woman comes in with a blue pram, which matches the colour of the walls in Hunters room on the train. she unfolds it and sets it up beside the table. she smiles, nods again and leaves the room.

"come on Hunter" I say as I put him in the pram, his eyes stay shut and his head falls to one side of his shoulders.

I take the seat beside the pram and Peeta sits down across from me, I glance at Iris, who has almost finished the soup already. The main soon comes - lamb stew - I glance up at Peeta and snort "president Paylor is really trying to get me on her side" I say and start eating. soon we've all finished. they don't serve dessert at lunch so we head back to the room. Hunter wakes up just as we enter the room.

Hunter asks for the children's channel to be put back on and I agree, planning to have a shower and get ready for dinner while they watch it in the room and , funnily enough the TV version of the "little mocking jay" book is on TV. They both happily watch it for another hour - I wonder if this is how capitol children spend their days - watching talking teddy bears and birds run around a TV screen. After the programmes over and Peeta & I are ready ,we split up to get the kids ready, Peeta takes them and puts them in a bath and I lay out there clothes from the drawers in their room - A blue dress with ruffled sleeves and blue sandals for Iris and a blue shirt and quarter lengths and blue shoes for Hunter.

Haymitch actually showed up for dinner, though he didn't actually eat anything but he made up for that with the amount he drank. He got so drunk I ended up taking the kids back to the room short of dessert - much to the protest of Iris. I check the clock and It's already 9.30pm so we split up to put the kids to bed.

I decide to take Iris and help her pick a frilly pink nightdress to wear she climbs into the bed and I climb in beside her and read her the little mocking jay, just as I would every other night - It _feels _like it's a normal night (apart from the fact that we're on the way to the capitol instead of home in 12) but one thing makes this night totally different, - one sentence that will haunt me. because as I'm tucking Iris up, she says something I expected her to say at some point - but not today, not yet. as I finish reading Iris the little mocking jay and turn off the light in her room, I walk towards the door but just as I get there Iris says the words I have dreaded since she was born

"Mama, what's the Hunger Games?"

**so... what'd you guys think :) love it? hate it? tell me! as always review, favourite , follow. Hope you guys like the kinda-cliffhanger and I can't wait to put up the next chapter! :)**


	11. Chapter 10

**Hey guys! i know I Know - I'm a terrible person! I know alot of you have been concerned I was abandoning this story but I can assure you - I don't plan on it any time soon! So sorry this has took so long - but like it says on my profile the last two month have been hectic! - 3 dancing competitions, a cheer comp, a gymnastic comp, twilight coming out, family over for the festive season, my drama Christmas show, five different nativity shows with 12 different little cousins and family friends, 4 Christmas fetes and as if that wasn't enough I've had 7 school projects due! - 2 English 2 Modern Studies 2 geography and a music project that were due in the last 2 months! _few! _and with Christmas just around the corner I can't see updates speeding up for a while, but don't worry I promise to update as soon as I can.**

**since it's been a while i'll remind you where we left off - Katniss and her family are on the train to the capitol so Katniss can anounce the arrival of the final hunger games, while on the train Iris went and done some exploring, that night when Katniss is putting her to bed, Iris asks her the question she has been dreading "what are the hunger games?" Katniss now has to make a choice tell Iris the truth or lie, only for her to find out later... please read on and review this story I hope you enjoy it, though i apologize that it is shorter than most of my chapters **

It takes me a while to take in what Iris has just asked, my mouth moves wildly but no words come out "wh, wha, what where did you hear that -who told you that!"

"katniss? Are you okay?" I hear Peeta shout from Hunters room.

I just stand there, breathing heavily.

"mama, are you okay?" Iris asks.

"I'm. Fine. Just. Stay here. While. I. speak. To daddy" I say in between Breathes. "but mama, what are..."

"I'll speak to you later" I cut her off

She pouts at me but says nothing.

I walk out the room just as Peeta walks out of Hunters.

"what happened? You look like you've seen a ghost" Peeta says

I'm still panting "its iris..." my mouths stops working again as I try to explain to Peeta my distress.

"come on Katniss, what is it?" Peeta asks again. My breathing goes back to normal, and instead I try to keep back tears

"it's Iris. Peeta, she just -someone must of" I sigh and shake my head, still fighting back tears

"she knows Peeta" his eyes grow wide as he immediately realises

"wait a minute, you don't mean" my head nods violently and the tears spill over as I cry over Peeta's shoulder.

"yes, Peeta - she knows"

"calm down, it okay Katniss" he says soothingly "how much does she know?" he asks me.

"I don't know, but she at least heard the words, and she must have heard them enough to be curious enough to ask me" I say. Peeta sighs and pulls away from me

"well, I guess there's only one way to find out" he started to walk towards Iris' room pulling me along behind him. We entered the room to find iris sitting up in the bed attempting to read little mocking jay to herself when she hears us come in she looks up at me with wide eyes

"what's wrong mama? Why are you crying?" I laugh a little, wiping tears from my cheeks

"Don't worry sweetie, I'm fine" she doesn't look certain but her expression relaxes anyway and she sighs

"Okay mama"

"Iris me and mama just wanted to ask you about what you asked mama earlier" Peeta says, sitting on the edge of Iris' bed.

"Do you remember what it was you asked?" he says. Iris thinks for a second before nodding her head.

"Where did you hear about it?" he asks her. Iris thinks about the question again.

"It was the man who works on the train" I sigh "a lot of men work on this train Iris, try to be more specific"

"He had hair the same colour as daddies and he was wearing a black suit" she starts

"He was talking to a girl and I heard him say that these trains were the ones they use in the hunger games. What _are_ they?"

I and Peeta looked at each other, we didn't say anything but no words were necessary- we were both thinking the same thing. This is it,

Sink or swim,

Now or never.

There was no way out of this without lying, Iris had specifically asked about the games - there was no way around the question. I look back at my daughters innocent bright blue eyes, is this really it? Is now really the time I'll have to explain this to her? She looks so small, so young, sitting on her Capitol -made bed and I can't help but want to just pretend - pretend the hunger games didn't exist, pretend prim was still alive, pretend gale hadn't had some part in her death, pretend iris hadn't just asked the question I had feared since her birth, pretend I wasn't on the way to the Capitol to sentence at least 23 innocent children to death...

But I can't pretend.

I take a breath, and Peeta nods his head and so we start, and we tell iris the truth - not the whole truth, but more than enough of it.

We start by reminding her what she already knows-

I start. "Iris, remember when me and daddy told you, about our childhood and how it wasn't as... _Easy,_ as yours is?" she nods "how we told you that district 12 were very poor and that bad people ran the country" she keeps nodding "well..." I stop to think about how to explain this "see what we have now?, being able to go where you want and talk about what you want? When me and daddy were young we didn't have that... And before me and daddy were born - even before your grandma was a little girl , the people decided they didn't like how they were being treated - and they tried to fight with the bad people to change it"

"Why didn't they change it then?" iris says

"Because iris, the bad people won and they hurt lots and lots of people to win. But the districts were so strong and determined - that the bad people got scared and they were worried that we would try again and win..."

I shake my head and Peeta takes over "so they started the hunger games, to make sure the districts didn't try to fight again."

"But what _is_ the hunger games!?" says iris getting inpatient

It was a game... A very bad, twisted game... So the Capitol could prove that they ruled us and controlled us. So every year, for 75 years, the Capitol took a boy and girl between the ages of 12 and 18 from each of the 12 districts"

"But daddy! There's 13 districts we learned that in school!"

Peeta smiles at iris "yes, but nobody used to know about the 13th district, it was only the first 12 people knew about. Anyway , they chose 2 children from each district at what we called a 'reaping' - everybody in the district had to go to it and they put all of our names in a big glass bowl and a lady from the Capitol picked out a girl and a boy and they were sent to the capitol - to

Take part in a... Game"

"The hunger games?" iris asked

Peeta just nods his head, so I continue "yes Iris the hunger games"

"What happened?" iris asks already sensing this story had no happy ending "the boys and girls had to compete - the competition went on for weeks until there was one winner. If you won you were given lots of money and food. But if you lost..." I trail off and Peeta finishes for me "you lost everything"

"but... How did you win"

My heart skips a beat - how do I explain to a four year old child how you won the games without frightening them to death?.

Peeta beats me to it "you had to eliminate the competition"

we Leave it at that and amazingly, Iris doesn't question us we each kiss her on the head and leave the room when she falls asleep, we go in and check on hunter and I kiss him as well and them I climb into my bed beside Peeta, and he holds me as I cry myself to sleep - just as he did on the tribute train. It makes this all too real. This is just the start, Iris will have to know exactly how the hunger games work before the final one begins. tomorrow we will be in the Capitol, this week I will make the announcement, In a month the games will begin and in a month my daughter will turn five. I have a sudden realisation that I have a week to write my speech - time is ticking, there never seems to be enough of it. Whoever said wounds heal with time was wrong - these wounds just seem to grow bigger and more painful the longer I go on.

**Thank you so much for reading this chapter, and for your continued support through this story I hope that the next chapter will be up sooner! again please review, favourite and follow **

**Thank you to RuePeetaKatniss and EBRAJERCECullen 130 for following and favourite-ing this story and Eleanor for reviewing! It is really appreciated. Please tell your friends about this story and get then to follow, favourite and review too!**

**Until next time I hope you enjoyed this story thanks for reading goodbye! xox**


	12. Chapter 11

**Sorry guys! I know this chapter is a day late, but it is actually a lot longer than my regular chapters so I hope that makes up for it :) If you want to keep track of when my stories will be updated, started ect. please check my profile as the whole bottom section is dedicated to informing my readers of my fanfics and is as accurate as possible. Thank you to everyone who has followed and reviewed since the last update and if you haven't already - please do! thank you and without further a due I give you chapter 11 of Worse Games **

"Mama! Mama wake up!" Iris Jumps on tops of me, shouting directly into my ears. I groan and roll onto my side

"Iris, leave Mama to sleep breakfast is being served until 10am" Peeta says softly. I breathe a sigh of relief as I feel Iris' weight being removed from the top of me, Peeta must have picked her up.

"But I'm Hungry _now_!" Iris whines.

"_okay_... how about I take you and Hunter to get breakfast just now and Mama can go and get hers later when she wakes up?" There's a few moments of silence as Iris thinks it over

"Okay Daddy – I'll go and wake up Hunter!" Iris says eagerly

"I don't think that's such a good idea Iris, you're not the... _gentlest_ of wakers." I can just imagine the pout on Iris' face as Peeta states the very obvious fact that Iris is not the person you want waking you up in the morning – not that she's ever usually keen on getting up herself ,anyway.

"I've got a better Idea – why don't you go and get yourself dressed, and I'll go and get hunter ready?" He says.

"get dressed by myself" Iris asks "But Mama usually helps me get dressed" she says almost apprehensive.

"Well I'm sure a nearly five-year old like you, can go and get dressed themselves _easy peasy_!" Says Peeta in that annoying overly encouraging voice all parents use.

"okay Daddy!" Iris says excited and I hear her light hunter-like footsteps bounce off in the direction of her bedroom. Followed by Peeta's heavier ones walking, at first I think towards Hunters room, but then his presence beside me becomes more apparent – He knows I'm not really sleeping. I open my eyes and am greeted with his bright blue ones, identical to those of Iris. – If I hadn't heard his footsteps come towards me I could have mistaken them for Iris'. His eyes never seem to lose their sparkle, No matter what life throws at us. They seem to shine as bright as a child's.

"you sure you don't want to come to breakfast?" he says

"I'm sure. Besides – I've got a lot to do before we arrive in the capitol this afternoon"

He nods "Are you okay? You know, after the whole Iris thing last night?" he says sympathetically

"Yes, I was just caught of guard. I mean, I knew we'd have to tell her eventually but..." I trail off

"I know, we never planned on it _this_ early... but a lot has happened in the last few days that we didn't plan and I'm pretty sure a lot more will in the next few weeks. We just need to be prepared... for anything"

I don't say anything. I know he's right, but i wish he wasn't. All I want is to go back home to district 12. I don't want to have to spend the next few weeks trying to stay on guard all the time. I don't want to be prepared, I want to be able to take my children to the meadow and have a picnic, I want to be able to hunt in my woods I want to be able... my thought are interrupted as Hunter starts to cry. I instinctively get up to get him but Peeta pushes me back down.

"go back to sleep – I'll get him" he walks off towards Hunter's room and Iris comes bouncing back into the room.

"Look mama! I got dressed – all by myself!"

"Did you! Well done sweetheart!" I say using that parenting tone of voice I hate so much. I fail to mention that her shoes are on the wrong feet – I'll let Peeta break that one to her.

"are you coming with us to breakfast?" She says hopefully

"no sweetheart. I'm really tired... I'll go later but remind daddy to check in on Uncle Haymitch on the way"

"Okay Mama" Peeta comes out of the room with Hunter on his hip

"Are you ready Iris?"

"yes! And I'm really hungry too, let's _go_!" she says pulling Peeta by the arm almost causing him to drop Hunter in the process.

"Remember and check on..." the door slams shut and I roll my eyes. I yawn, I actually am really tired – I didn't sleep much last night. My dreams included three separate nightmares. I eventually gave up on sleeping at around 5 am and slid out of bed. I unzipped the front pocket of my bag and pulled out a long silver chain with a small locket hanging from it. I broke it open to reveal the pictures of Prim on one side and iris, Hunter and Peeta on the other. It lies in place of where Gales picture once lay. Though I still keep his picture behind the one of my family. I just couldn't bring myself to throw it away. He was still my best friend and though I will never be able to forgive him for having some part in Prim's death I will also never be able to repay him for the many times he saved her life. Sometimes I do miss him, but If he truly cared for me the way he said he did surely he would have come to visit me. Or _phoned_ me. Or _wrote_ to me. Or..._Something, anything_. But he didn't... I rummaged around in the bag again until my hand found the small smooth circular texture of my Pearl. The one Peeta gave me during the quarter quell. I rolled it around my fingers, just thinking about my boy with the bread like I did in district 13. After a while my eyes eventually became tired and I slipped back into bed – Locket still around my neck, pearl still locked in my grip.

I open my hand to reveal the pearl now. It's amazing how much one small tiny object can be so insignificant to some but can hold so many memories for others. This pearl is my personal symbol of the reasons behind the rebellion. Peeta gave me this pearl so I could remember him when he died in the games – what 17-year-old should have to accept death? When Peeta was being tortured in the capitol, and was suffering from the hijacking, this pearl became my one source of sanity, one source of remembrance of my boy with the bread. What 12 year old should have to feed her own family, be near starvation while children in the capitol were eating until they were sick? This pearl meant more to me than the mockingjay symbol ever would. It reminded me of the most important reasons the rebellion had to succeed. I suddenly realise exactly how I want this speech to go – The message I want to get across. I place the pearl back in my bag and find a notepad & pen in the bedside drawer, I think about how to start this speech – It will take place during an interview with ceasar entitled "The mockingjay – 10years on" I will probably have to tackle some really hard topics in that interview, I wouldn't put it past ceasar to ask me about things such as Prim's death, my children, Gale and worst of all Coin's death. It will be the first time I'll have been on national television since I shot the newly appointed president and I'm not looking forward to it. Ceasar has been pre-warned of my announcement so that he can lead me into it and won't be too surprised when I announce the games. He after all, may have children. I start to write my first sentence:

_Hello Panem. It has been a while since I have addressed the public on national television. I'm not here out of choice – well not exactly. But I am here to deliver a message from your president._

I stop writing, do I really want to go right In and say it? _No._ The people will stop listening after they hear the announcement and I need them to listen to everything I have to say. Knowing that I have a message to deliver to them should keep them watching to know what the message is. Wait a minute – watching. It is estimated that over ¾ of panem will be watching this interview live and then It will be repeated through-out the day so that everyone can hear the announcement. But why are they watching? Because I am who I am, and I only am who I am because of the games...

_You are all watching this Interview because you want to know about my life, you all know so much about me already and the sick part is the reason why. You all know me from the Hunger Games. The punishment President Snow and The capitol forced upon 24 children every year. 23 families left to mourn every year. Scars fade eventually – but the memories don't leave. It's been 10 years since I volunteered for my little sister Prim._

Wow. It feels so weird writing it down, I decide I need something, something that will make people think. I remember watching a documentary on TV shortly after Peeta came back to district 12. It was about the hunger games, a memorial of sorts. _1719_ – that's how many children It said were killed over all 75 games. It's a number that has always stuck in my head – _Always haunted me_...

_1719 children were murdered in the games. 1719 lifes gone. And for what? Because the capitol had a point to prove. I, unfortunately am here to tell you that President Paylor has a point to prove as well._

I feel a bit guilty writing that down – It wasn't _really_ Paylor's fault, She didn't even have a say in the vote... I know I'll need to take some responsibility for the vote as well

_8 years ago; about a week after the rebellion ended. A group of people were called to a meeting in the presidential Mansion The meeting was called by President Coin and she asked the group to take a vote. A vote for a Final Hunger games. A Hunger games to show all those in the capitol just how wrong this game really was. A hunger games to prove a point. A hunger games where the capitols children are tributes._

I read over the speech - now I just need a way to finish it, to show the Capitol that I sympathise with them and that I don't want this either - but also that I know it's essential for the safety and security of our children's futures.

_As you all probably know I have children of my own - I have suffered a lot of loss in my life and I don't know what I would do If I lost them. that why I need to secure a future for my children and the only way for me to do that is to be certain the games are gone for good – Everybody in the whole of Panem needs to understand the pain and hurt losing someone can bring, so that our children will never have to fear their 12th birthday, Never have to stand and wait to see if they are to be sent to their death this year. 75years district children had to suffer this burden. And we need to realise as a nation that this must not be repeated._

It suddenly dawns on me that Paylor Never actually discussed many of the details with me, all I know is that the reapings will take place on Iris' birthday. I assume that more information will be given to me and the public nearer the time, for now I'll just have to give what information I know.

_The reapings For the First and Final captiol Hunger Games, will take place next month on the 5th May. You will be given further information at another time. Goodbye._

I breathe a sigh of satisfaction - I'm done. I'll let Peeta look over it later to see what he thinks but in the meantime I decide to go and join Peeta and the Children for breakfast. at least that is what I planned on doing when Iris burst through the door followed by Peeta and Hunter, I glance up at the clock and can't believe the time - it's 9.45am and I have been writing this speech for over an hour. Peeta notices the look of confusion on my face

"What's wrong?" he asks me worriedly "Did you finish it?"

"yes, i finished it. It's not that - I didn't realise the time. I guess I better go and get my breakfast before they stop serving"

"Okay, you should probably take Haymitch with you too He hasn't been to a meal since yesterday lunch time"

"You mean he didn't go with _you?_ Iris! I told you to tell daddy that he was to stop by Uncle Haymitch's room and bring him with you to breakfast!"

"Oops... sorry mama i forgot" She says from behind Peeta. I sigh

"Well I guess I better go and get him. I'll see you later" I walk towards the door and start my walk down the long corridor I pass about 11 doors before reaching Haymitch's room. I knock twice and he answers quicker than I would have expected

"come to check up on me sweetheart" He says with a smirk "How very kind of you"

"actually, I came to take you to breakfast - you haven't showed up for a meal since yesterday lunch"

"I've been... busy. anyway, where's the rest of the family? off giving Peeta the run around I take it?"

"They've already had their breakfast we all know Iris isn't the most patient child in the world"

"really? I wonder who she could possibly take after" he says sarcastically

I smirk at him and he smirks back

"Can you just hurry up, breakfast is only being served for another 10 minutes"

"calm it sweetheart, It's not as if there going to let us starve" He laughs at the irony of the joke.

15 years ago the capitol didn't care whether the district 12 population _lived_ or _died,_ Or whether any person in the district lived or died, now they wouldn't dare allow a child (or any person for that matter) to starve in the districts for fear that It would start a rebellion - not that we're anywhere near well fed in the districts. But it's a huge step up from the fear of starvation that lingered with every breath when I was young.

I motion for Haymitch to leave the room, and we start our journey towards the breakfast car, The sight when we arrive takes me back to the 74th games. When I first encountered the amazing variety of capitol food. There is food everywhere, fruit, bread, juice, cereal, almost anything you could ever have for breakfast is lined up on tables. On the middle of one I spot the Hot chocolate Peeta had introduced me to on the train, I grab a mug of the steaming hot delicacies, and a few rolls of bread and set myself down at the table in the centre of the room. Haymitch sits down not long after with a bowl of capitol-brand cereal and a bottle of liquor. I am about half way through my mug of hot chocolate when suddenly Haymitch bursts out laughing. I jump a little , my body confused by the sudden break of silence.

"what is it Haymitch, why are you laughing?" I say almost hostile.

"don't you realise this is the room you first tried to kill me in during the 74th?" he says with a smirk

I laugh slightly, a smirk growing on own face "I didn't try to kill you"

"oh well, forgive me for mistaking the knife that you lodged at my hand for an act of violence - I don't know where I could have got that idea from"

"whatever Haymitch, do _you _realise that this is the room where you told me and Peeta you would stay sober long enough to help us win the games"

"and I believe I kept that promise. you won didn't you - thanks to my advice" he says sarcastically

we both know Haymitch's advice was no more helpful than telling a career they were going to have to kill some people.

"aw yeah, what was your advice again?" I say just as sarcastically back

"stay alive" we both say simultaneously

"well it worked didn't it - your both here"

"I guess"

there's another long pause as I take a sip from my mug and Haymitch takes a drink of the alcohol in his hands

"So hows that speech going" he asks

"I've finished It I'm going to let Peeta read over it before we arrive" I say

"what about the kids - they suspicious of anything yet"

I sigh a long painful sigh "Iris - she overheard some idiot talking about how these trains were used in the Hunger Games, and that was her - totally set on finding out what they were"

"so... what did you tell her"

"as much as we thought she could handle, we told her that the capitol and the districts had a fight and the capitol won and so to make sure we didn't fight again they started the hunger games and that each year 24 children were selected to participate. we told her that they sometimes went on for weeks and there could only be one winner and that you had to eliminate the competition to win" I say without barely a breath.

"well we all knew this day would come sweetheart, You'll just have to tell her as the questions come and hope she's able to understand"

"I guess your right" I decide it best to change the subject "what time are we arriving in the capitol, do you know?"

"well, the trip _usually_ takes 28 hours - it's been around 25, so we'll probably arrive around 2pm" he says quite expertly.

It felt a lot longer than that during the games but I trust his judgement - Haymitch has probably made this trip at least 26 times before so he is more able than me to judge how long the journey takes.

"Better go and make sure we are ready to leave" I say and rise from the table

"yeah I better get back to my drinking, can't arrive in the capitol _too _sober" He says sarcastically.

I smile and laugh slightly "No I guess not - The famous drunk Haymitch Abernathy _sober? never!" _I say in an overly shocked capitol voice.

"see you later sweetheart" He says as he disappears back down the corridor that leads to the bedrooms.

I get back to the room to find Iris and Hunter sitting on Peeta and I's bed contently watching The little Mocking Jay. Peeta is painting again in the corner.

"I think we may have to find a way to get the kids channel back in district 12 - when was the last time Iris sat still for any length of time?" I half-whisper to Peeta

he laughs "I was just thinking the same thing"

I laugh with him, I glance at his painting out of the corner of my eye and am glad to see that he is back to painting happier scenes - this is a painting of Iris in the trees back home in the woods of 12. she is crouched behind a branch, covering half of her face. You could just about make out the smile on her face and the twinkle in her left eye - she is likely supposed to be hiding from me in the painting. It's then I notice that she also has her tiny bow clutched to her right hand. The size of the tree makes Iris look all the smaller, It is beautifully painted the shadows of the branches shown on the green grass. Peeta has even painted Iris's growing at the bottom of the tree - even though Iris' usually grow near the water's edge.

"Do you like it?" Peeta asks

"It beautiful Peeta, has Iris seen it?"

he looks over his shoulder at Iris her deep blue eyes more concentrated than they have been in years

"I think we should leave her just now, she can see it when we get to the capitol - any word on what time we will arrive?"

"Haymitch reckons two o'clock"

Peeta looks up at the clock on the wall above our bed

"we have about two and a half hours then - do you think we should have lunch before we get there?"

"yes, that's probably a good idea - they start serving at one, I think i want to put Hunter down for a nap before then. You keep an eye on Iris and I'll get Hunter organised"

"I don't really think Iris will need much keeping an eye on - It's not like she's going anywhere" He says with a smirk

I smile back as I pick hunter up off the bed

"come on Hunter, time for a nap"

he shrieks and kicks his legs in protest "no! not _tired_! _not tired mama_!"

"come on Hunter, you _are_ tired and If you go to sleep _now_ you won't have to take a nap when we get to the capitol"

he huffs but allows me to carry him to his crib. I place him in and turn on the mobile above his head which projects stars on to the walls and ceiling, he claps his hands excitedly ever since I can remember Hunter has loved the stars. when he couldn't sleep I would take him outside in his stroller and walk him up and down the streets of the victors village he would look up at the night sky totally mesmerized, and would fall fast asleep soon after - the stars in the room seem to be having the same effect as when I glance back at him I see his eyelids have already began to droop closed and ten minutes later he is fast asleep. I turn off the mobile and the light in his room and go out to find Peeta has almost finished his painting and Iris is still focused on the television, she now seems to be watching a show featuring zoo animals

"peeta" I say almost in a whisper as if I am afraid that a slight noise will snap Iris out of this new-found concentration

"do you want to read my speech, while Iris is... occupied" I say

"sure, that's probably a good idea. where is it?"

"In the bedside drawer, I'll get it" I rummage around in the bedside drawer until my hands find the slightly crumpled piece of paper that has my speech written on it and hand it to Peeta. he reads it looking up at me every so often

"1719. how'd you figure that out?" he asks

"It was in a documentary a while back, I guess it's just always stuck with me" I say

he nods and continues to read and after a few minutes he hands it back to me

"its good. you definitely made the right decision to write the speech yourself. You present things so much better when they come from the heart instead of just reading from a script someone has given you" he smiles at me and I smile back

I don't really know what to do with myself for the time between now and lunch. Hunter is still sleeping, Peeta is still painting and Iris - after finally growing tired of the kids channel - is drawing with her crayons. I end up just sitting on my bed staring out the window of the train daydreaming about my past and future. Before I know it it's 1.30pm and Iris is determined to go for lunch. I don't bother getting Hunter changed and he goes to lunch in the blue all-in-one he wore to bed.

Lunch is nice. Haymitch, has actually showed up on his own, we have a thin soup to start which Peeta reckons is onion and parsley. the main consists of a beef dish with a creamy white sauce and cheese buns and carrots on the side.

"Iris, eat your carrots" I say sternly

she huffs "But mama, I don't _like_ carrots!"

"Iris, yes you do. stop being silly and eat them up"

she is still determined not to eat them "come on, eat _4_ and then your finished"

_"3"_ she says

"no Iris , _4_" I say and give her my famous _cold-as-steel stare_ she stares back just as cold but begins to eat them, but just as she is half way through the third one she drops it back on her plate. Her eyes are wide with... something - curiosity, excitement, fear - I'm not sure. She is looking past me

"Iris eat your carrots like mama asked" Peeta says, obviously not noticing her staring.

"no, daddy look!" she says pointing towards the window behind me ,excitement evident in her voice. She rises from the table and I follow her, along with Haymitch and Peeta who carries over Hunter.

"mama... is this the - " she starts, but Haymitch chimes in before she even finishes

"yeah princess, we're in the capitol"

**I hope yous all really enjoyed this chapter and would appreciate your feedback. so please Review or PM, feel free to add if you have any ideas or questions about the story. As always thank you to my amazing Favouriters, followers and Reviewers. Thanks to Equestrian-bookworm-13 EBRAJERCEcullen 130, KM.6000, kbalius & aracelyrobles885 for favouriting, following & reviewing last time! Thank you all for your continued support with this story and I hope you all continue to read & enjoy it! Like it said above if you would like any information on my fanfics the place to find it is my profile and I you have any further questions don't hesitate to PM me! until next time, thanks for reading **

**Kaddyxxx**


	13. Chapter 12

**so... I know it has been a while - a ****_long _****while... and I am so very sorry :( BUT school is OUT! and ****_hopefully _****(not gonna make any promises) updates will speed up ALOT. since it been ages lets just review what happened in the last chapter... we revisit the pearl & locket - Katniss talks a bit about gale's betrayal. she wrote her speech for the announcement of the capitol hunger games. Haymitch & Katniss have a moment together at breakfast *pause for aww's" Peeta is back to painting happy pictures(yay!) Iris is still obsessed with the 'kids channel'. We found out hunter likes the stars (and Iris doesn't like carrots) and we arrived in the capitol! feww. now we are caught up lets talk about this chapter: basically it's another sort of filler chapter - but we meet some old friends (and maybe even a few possible new ones?) We begin to learn about the "new capitol" a little (though that will be touched on more in later chapter) anyway ENJOY! oh, and remember to review, follow & favourite :)**

The capitol is almost as amazing as I remember it, As the train speeds towards the station my eyes drift towards the buildings and landscapes that first welcomed me to the capitol almost 12 years ago - The mix of colours hurt my eyes and I have to squint to see the sights. So much has changed and yet so much has remained the same - The silver skyscrapers that seem to disappear into the clouds, the roads so high that they look as if they are floating ,crossing over each other displaying the different routes around the capitol, the small dots of blinding colour far below representing the capitol people as they go about their daily business and the huge mountains that act as a backdrop for the entire city towering over as the sun peeks out from behind them all look untouched - as if my first trip to the capitol was yesterday and not 12 years ago but the subtle differences, such as the patches of ground where buildings have come down or the billboards plastered with President coins face instead of Snow's - tell me otherwise.

Iris gasps

"Mama, what's that?" her voice is almost a whisper and it is filled with the curiosity and wonder that only Iris can bring to a sentence. She is pointing towards the sky and It would be impossible to miss what she is talking about.

"that's a hovercraft, Iris"

"a hovercraft" She tests out the word "what do they do?"

"well... they used to do a lot of different things"

"like what?" Iris asks, still mesmerised by the Hovercraft that is now far off in the distance.

Suddenly I am aware of my smile fading from my face, my eyes shut for a mere second but it feels like forever

I see the blonde braid down her back, the white uniform, I watch as she yanks off her jacket to cover a dying toddler and notice the duck tail formed by her untucked shirt. I feel my heart leap as it did that day and then the anxiety takes over - the need to get to her, to hold her in my arms and know she is safe. I shout her name at the top of my voice struggling to be heard over the roar of the crowds mixed with the new-formed panic and horror as the capitol people see their children's limbs strewn on the ground. I push through them, as I edge closer to the barricades, closer and closer, I'm almost there when I think she hears me - because, just for a moment, she catches sight of me. Her eyes bright, Her lips begin to move. I think she was about to smile, I think she was about to say my name, I think she was about to save the life of an innocent child, but I don't know - I'll never know - Because that's when the rest of the parachutes go off, the last time I would ever see my little sister. that's the moment my life became nothing - not worth living, not worth breathing - nothing. and It took almost 6 years until life meant something again, until the moment a small baby was placed In my arms and looked up at me with Big blues eyes that, not only resembled Peeta's, but Prim's - I was almost thankful when I saw the small tuft of dark hair on her head. But it was true my daughter resembled Prim in appearance and reminded me everyday of her in everything she did - When she was born I had initially wanted to call her after my sister, but Peeta reasoned that it would only be a constant reminder, not that I need reminded - Thoughts of Prim surround me everyday, every time Iris forgets to tuck in her shirt, every time I see a goat on sale in town, every time i see an ugly cat walking around the seam, every time I see someone in saphe's practice who looks sick or has an injury, just spotting a merchant girl with long blonde hair and big blue eyes running around district 12 - Prim is all I think of.

"mama?" Iris is still waiting on an answer from me.

"lots of things princess, they transport things" Haymitch answers for me when It becomes obvious I don't plan on answering myself.

"like what?" she says taking her eyes of the capitol skyline where the hovercraft has long since disappeared and turning to face Haymitch

"food, water, supplies, animals" he sighs "people"

Iris seems to accept the answer and refocuses her attention back on the view.

"when can we get off the train mama!"

I laugh "soon Iris"

It happens to be much "sooner" than I though as just then, the train begins to slow and I am aware that we are coming to a stop.

"well, I guess we better go and get our things"

* * *

"iris - when we get off this train, you stay close - got it? No running off, No exploring, No talking to strangers, do I make myself clear" I say sternly, I can feel the anxiety building inside of me - I'm not sure if the capitol has been warned of our arrival, but you can bet that either way they will recognise us and the last thing I need is to have to go searching for Iris in a busy train station.

she pouts, but nods her head.

"good, Peeta, are you certain we have everything?"

"yes, Katniss - we have everything"

I sigh "Okay, let's do this" I press the button on the sliding train door and as soon as I opened it the noise becomes deafening, Capitol citizens are everywhere - men wearing bright blue jackets with oversized orange ribbons tied around their neck as if they were gifts for christmas. Women with huge bows & flowers in their multi-coloured wigs wearing elaborate dresses and corsets with lace detailing and six-inch heels covered in ruffles and diamonds. Even capitol children the same ages as Iris and Hunter walk around with their parents dressed in matching dresses and suits, carrying dolls, teddy-bears, and gadgets I have never seen before in my life.

Iris pulls on my arm

"mama, who are they?" she asks ,her voice quiet.

"that's people from the capitol Iris" I say

she giggles "why are they dressed so funny?"

Haymitch, Peeta and I laugh "No-one's really sure princess, they're all a little bit -" he turns his finger in circles around the side of his head.

Iris giggles again, and even I have to stop myself from smiling.

we take our first step off the train and almost immediately we earn stares, and then people start to recognise us and more people begin to stare, people whisper to their families and mother's pull their children back, everybody eventually comes to a stand still and all that can be heard is the whispers of the crowd

"that's the mockingjay"

"no surely not"

"I can't believe after all these years..."

"mama? who is that?"

"the mockingjay!"

"It's really her"

"the girl on fire"

"Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark"

"Isn't their daughter just darling? what did they call her again - oh that's right Iris! Iris Mellark"

"and who's that The mockingjay is carrying?"

"that must be their son! the Mellark's had another child!"

The whispers become conversation and the conversations become shouts. People approach us and ask questions, children stare in wonder, the camera flashes begin to go off and suddenly Iris is hugging my waist. Peeta takes Hunter out of my arms allowing me to pick Iris up

"what's up?" I whisper in her ear

she shakes her head and buries it deeper into my shoulder.

"woah woah back up - you're scaring the kids!" Haymitch growls at the increasing crowd.

they do as he says and back up only a few eager citizens stay to ask further question. Peeta politely answers them.

"Is this your son?" a woman dressed head to toe in bright yellow materials asks.

Peeta nods his head and smiles "yes, this is our son"

"and his name?!" the same bubbly woman questions as the crowd erupts into more conversation, this time about Hunter.

"Hunter" The crowd begins to "oohh" and "aah"

"how old is he?" asks a little girl who looks around Iris' age. She has Big Brown eyes and wears long pink eyelashes tipped with dimantes to match her pink dress and shoes and the flower in her light blonde hair.

"he's 2" Peeta tells her and crouches down so he is at the child's level "and how old are you?" he asks her.

"I'm 4" she holds up four finger and smiles at Peeta

"well, My little girl, Iris is four aswell" he smiles back

suddenly Iris' head shoots up "I'm nearly five!" she protests earning her own "awes" and "aahs'" from the capitol citizens.

"I'm nearly five too - my birthday is next week!"

I tense, Iris must notice because suddenly her attention focuses on my face.

Prim's birthday is the 26th May - next week, I had almost forgotten all about it...

"well, I hope you have a very happy birthday -" he pauses waiting for the girl to name herself

"Marri" she smiles "Marri Garland"

"come on Marri, we'll be late for the new boutique opening - it's supposed to be ever so fashionable!" says a woman who I can only assume is her mother.

"goodbye Hunter" she says and she bounces off towards her family.

we begin to walk forward again as people shout more questions at us

"why are you back in the capitol?"

"are you staying for long?"

"where will you be staying?"

Eventually we get to the front of the station and the cold breeze that hit's my face tells me I'm outside. four men wearing black, that I recognise from Paylor's visit approach us, the crowd steps aside to allow them get to us.

"Mrs Mellark,Mr Mellark,Mr Abernathy" He nods at each of us in acknowledgement "we are here to transport you to the presidential mansion - There is a car waiting for you - please come this way"

we follow two of the men, with two men following behind us. we arrive at the corner of the street to find another black limousine waiting. Though this time we are not alone, I enter to find 4 people I haven't seen(at least in person) for 12 years.

"Katniss!" shriek my prep team in unison.

I smile. "hello"

Octavia gasps "and, this must be Iris!"

"Isn't she just gorgeous!" gushes Venia

"and those eyes!" Octavia says

"she's simply darling!" says Venia.

"and I see she's wearing the dress I sent her - fabulous, fabulous choice!" chimes in Effie who had been sitting at the far end of the car sipping some sparkling pink liquid. She is wearing a light green wig, blue dress with green lace and corset and her shoes are light green and dotted with blue jewels.

Just then, Peeta enters with Hunter. causing my prep team to kick up another fuss

"you have a son!" shrieks Flavius "they have a son!"

"I knew you would be excited when you saw him!" says Effie - who, of course, already knew of Hunter's birth.

"I can't believe you never told us Effie!" Says Venia.

"yes! we have been with each other for 4 whole days discussing the Mellark's - and you never once mentioned there was a second child!" complains Octavia - although her bubbly capitol accent makes it hard to figure out if she is angry or happy.

Venia gasps "we have only prepared for four not five!"

"prepared? what?..." I start. a confused look on my face. Though they go on as if they did not hear me.

"don't worry! I made sure we had enough fabric and make-up to go around! and as for the outfits... they were already taken care of" Effie says with a knowing smile on her face

"woah woah woah woah! hold on. prepared? make-up? outfits? what for?" I say becoming increasingly worried that this speech date has been pushed forward.

"Oh!" Venia squeaks excitedly "you haven't been told!"

"there shall be an interview tonight with caesar finklemen! - the whole family! and... Haymitch!" bubbles Octavia

"you don't mean for the..." I start.

"your speech!? no, no, no, no! that interview isn't until Saturday night!" Octavia waves off my worry.

"what speech mama?" says Iris - though she is totally ignored as Flavius begins to ramble on

" then after the interview there will be a celebratory banquet at the presidential house! It shall be the party of the year - only the most important people will be in attendance!" he says.

"I hear the ballroom has been totally re-decorated - that means new mahogany tables!" Effie delights.

Peeta and I laugh and Haymitch grunts.

"so... where are we going just now?" I ask.

"to get you all prepped of course!" Octavia shrieks.

I shudder - memories of scrubbing, cleaning & removing come to mind. I almost choke

"by all you mean Peeta, Haymitch & I - right?" I say with a hint of nervous laughter.

"no... by all we mean all , Iris & Hunter too! even children have to look their best in public, oh, and I'm sure you'll all just love your outfits!" squeals Venia.

Iris? sitting still for a long period of time? while she is being scrubbed of her skin cells - I don't think they quite understand how different Iris is from their perfectly pristine, quiet, model capitol children...

"oh no, i don't think..." I start, but am interrupted by Effie.

"Raspberry champagne anyone? what about you Iris?" she says with an endearing smile and pushes the glass closer to Iris, who puts her hand out to grab it - I bat her hand away.

"Effie!" I scold

"Oh don't worry, do you really think I would offer a child an alcoholic beverage! It is completely alcohol free - imagine! drinking on the job - I would never do such a thing!" she whines (purposefully setting her eyes on Haymitch and the bottle he holds to his mouth) sounding genually offended.

I sigh "of course not Effie" I take the glass and give it to Iris, also taking a glass myself.

I sip it suspiciously, but am pleasantly surprised by the taste - it taste sweet, yet bitter as if someone had combined lemons and sugar together, the fizziness explodes in my mouth and the after taste of raspberry satisfies my taste buds sufficiently.

Sitting in a car with Iris can be very draining with the amount of questions and comments she can make in a simple 10 minute journey, sitting in a car with Effie is dare I say worse and even the rest of the prep team's conversations become tedious very quickly.

Having all of them in a car together should be illegal.

I make a mental note to request separate travel in future.

That's why ,when I watch the car come to a stop through the black-out windows, hear the driver exit the vehicle and eventually open the door at the other side of the limousine. I breathe a deep sigh of relief and quickly make my way to the door determined to be the first out, The moment I feel the warm capitol breeze on my face I relax, my eyes shut for a moment attempting to regain my sanity after my half hour journey with the capitols most talkative designers.

By the time I open them again, the rest of the group have emerged from the car and are standing beside me. We stare up at the magnificent building, made of clean white stone, the windows are made of strong glass - the kind that is near impossible to break, not that it would matter - any person who had the misfortune to stay in this building that was determined enough to end their life would have been forced back by the force-field that surrounded it, even without the huge sign that once sat on the front of the building, without noticing the small garden on the open roof & without the numbers plastered up its side - this building was unmistakably the training center. staring up at it I am able to recall countless memories - not all bad - but all tinged by the fact that they all occurred around the time of the hunger games.

"well we better get a move on we have a big, big night ahead of us!" Effie squeals nudging me forward.

We walk up the stone stairs that leads to the entrance of the center. Even now walking into through the doors i feel my heartbeat quicken and my muscles tense, all the anxiety and fear come flooding back - It's all I can do to stop myself turning around and bolting back down the steps. Iris has already ran ahead, and hunter has wriggled his way out of Peeta's arms and is toddling after her shouting her name

"Iwis! Iwis!" he squeals, replacing the R's in her name with W's as he always has.

when she reaches the end of the long corridor, she turns left and disappears behind a wall that leads to another hallway.

"Mama!" iris shouts - she sounds excited.

"what is it Iris?" I shout towards the wall that hides her.

"come look!" she shouts back

I sigh and mutter under my breath, walking towards her voice "what could she possibly have -" I cut myself off when I turn the corner I immediately realise what she was so excited about along the hallway are different painting and portraits of various famous capitolite-figures - nearly all are unrecognisable - all that is, except one, right at the end of the corridor is a canvas framed in what I can assume is legit-gold, The picture is of two people holding hands - and this one i definitely recognise, because the two people in the portrait, just happen to be Peeta and I - both wearing matching outfits, flames surround us. The picture is from our first games - the chariot rides, in it, I hold a red rose in one hand and Peeta's hand in the other.

"look mama it's you and daddy!" Iris squeals excitedly

"mama! dadda!" hunter repeats pointing at the picture and jumping up and down.

"daddy look!" Iris says looking past me - I turn around and see that Peeta and the rest of our entourage have finally caught up.

"Look at what Iris?" when they see it Effie squeals, Octavia sighs dreamily, Venia coo's, Flavius put his hands on his heart & make a face as if to say 'how cute', The children giggle to each other, Haymitch just takes another gulp from his bottle. I stand there in shock - and I'm not sure what my facial expression was saying.

but it was Peeta's reaction that caught the attention of the group - his blue eyes turned icy & distant, he gripped the railing at the side of the hallway, his jaw locked and his breathing turned rapid - He was having an episode.

**sorry that it was quite short compared to previous chapters - but tell me what you think! how was my description? were you happy to see the prep team? what about little Marri Garland? anyway next chapter should be up soon - we are getting closer and closer to the games! as always please please please review and (if you haven't already follow/favourite) until next time hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**kaddyxxx**


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